Mutual Nightmares
by rockclimberFVE
Summary: What happens when Tony wakes up from a nightmare, and all he can think about is Ziva, and what really happened to her in Somalia? Will they finally get their happy ending, or will more problems arise?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is my first Fanfiction story, so please be kind! It is just an idea that I have been thinking about for a while, and after last nights surprise ending I needed to do something to take my mind off of things, so... here it is. It's pretty much cannon( or atleast it should be?). It is just something I would have liked to see between them. It will only be a few chapters, but if you guys like it maybe I'll add more...:)**

**Chapter 1**

Tony woke to the sound of someone screaming. He jolted up and looked around, only to realize no one was there. "Ziva. Where is Ziva" he thought? It took a moment for him to register that he was in his apartment, not the hotel in Paris. "Oh" he sighed letting his head fall back against the pillow, relieved. As he sat back against his head board trying to even out his breathing and lower his heart rate, something far more terrifying dawned on him: if it was not Ziva's screams that he woke up to it must have been his. What was it he was thinking about? There was sand, lots of sand, and cursing, he was restrained. Somalia.

Tony shuddered. Even the slightest things triggered memories from his time there. He had never been angrier in his life. When he left he had been fully prepared to die. With Ziva gone what would the reason be for him to live anyway? If she was dead, then he deserved to die too. He would still have moments some days during particularly tough cases, or after a dangerous chase that he would just stop and look at her. Tony didn't think he would ever be able to forget how he felt in that moment when Saleem pulled that bag off of her head. He was so sure she was dead and yet there she was, looking wild and beaten. He didn't think she had ever looked so beautiful.

Finally able to breath again, Tony got up to make himself some coffee, knowing that sleep would no longer be an option. He kept thinking about Ziva. He remembered how when they were in Paris a few months ago she had woken her up because she was screaming and thrashing about. Tony had tried to calm her down, and tell her everything was fine, but he knew it wasn't. He thought about the subdual changes he had noticed in her personality once they returned, but mostly she seemed fine. He knew how hard it must have been on her considering he had nightmares and he wasn't there for four agonizing months. He secretly had gotten therapy to help him cope, and although he didn't like to admit it, it really helped. He hoped she had sought therapy too, but he realized that was very unlikely. He knew she was repressing whatever she had seen. He knew that was how she coped, that was how he used to cope too, until Somalia. But, he wasn't going to therapy for what he saw in Somalia, of course that is what he wrote on the bills, and sure it had finally forced him to face the truth, but he had bigger issues to work out.

Tony tried to be there for Ziva, but she claimed she was fine. He shrugged it off and left her alone; keeping a watchful eye on her, and it was not until they received a case with a rape victim that he really started to see the effects of what had happened to her in Somalia. When they were interrogating the rape victim she looked like she would burst into tears at any moment, he finally couldn't watch it anymore and he cut her off. He hated to see her cry. His mind again flashed back to their time in Paris, the last time he saw her cry. It left him wondering for the millionth time what happened to her all those months before they saved her. It wasn't until later that night that he had gotten really worried. McGee was looking up stuff for the case and they were bouncing ideas off each other about who committed the rape, when McGee asked her. He had asked her what she would have done, and Tony still couldn't get what she had said out of his head. She had looked straight out in front of her, not really seeing anything, and slowly, methodically said she was different. She said that "After torturing them till they cry like babies, I would castrate them. Give them what they deserve." Tony shuddered, remembering the pain in her eyes, and the force with which she spoke the words; he knew she had given this some serious thought. It sent him into a panic.

He was so worried about her that he went as far as digging up her medical file to see what had happened to her. He was just about to read it when Gibbs walked in. Tony shoved it under his desk hoping that his boss hadn't seen what he had been looking at. But of course Gibbs had. He didn't say anything, just continued to walk towards the elevator, as Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Come here DiNozzo", Gibbs called. "And bring that file". "Shit!" thought Tony. He jumped up grabbed the file and followed Gibbs into the elevator. Gibbs had waited just long enough for the doors to close before he hit the emergency stop button Gibbs turned to face DiNozzo. "Have you read what's in there yet?" he asked, looking his senior field agent up and down. Tony looked at his feet, weighing his options. He could lie and say yes, and hope that Gibbs would tell him what was in there so that he would still know even if it was taken away, or he could… Who was he kidding this was Gibbs and you can't lie to Gibbs.

Tony shifted his weight and stared at the folder he was holding. "No" he replied. He surprised himself, because he sounded like he was about to cry. Why was he so upset? Gibbs scolded him all the time and it wasn't even the first time he had been caught with files he obviously wasn't supposed to have. No this time was different because it was about Ziva. It was always more complicated when it came to her. Gibbs reached over and head slapped him. "What took you so long DiNozzo?!" Tony looked up shocked. Gibbs looked at him with tired eyes. "What was Ziva like when you found her?" Tony's cleared his throat and tried everything not to have to look at Gibbs for fear he would see the tears welling in his eyes. "Broken" he said weakly. "Exactly" said Gibbs. At that Tony looked up with a furrowed brow. "I've read that file Tony" Gibbs answered sadly. With that Tony let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding "I just needed to know what happened" Tony replied. "She hasn't been the same since we brought her back, and lately she has been so..." He struggled to find the right words, "broken" he finally said. Gibbs nodded. Tony continued "and it's my fault she left. She left because she was mad at me! She was willing to die on some stupid suicide mission because of me! I just need to know what I did to her!"

At that Gibbs cut him off. "You did not do anything to her" he said sternly. "You saved her. Her own father left her to die in the desert, but you cared enough to go and save her". Tony looked up tears welling in his eyes "I thought she was dead boss. I thought I had killed her. I was ready to die. I didn't expect to ever come back from that mission."Gibbs sighed, "I know DiNozzo. Why do u think we went with you!? We had to make sure we didn't lose both of you." At that Tony couldn't help but smile at that. "See boss I knew you cared" he joked. Gibbs smiled "Exactly, that's why I checked out that file months ago." Tony looked at his boss with raised eyebrows "Ok so what does that have with me taking too long!?" He asked getting angry; he didn't like it when his boss was this cryptic, especially when it was about something this important. "Because I removed stuff from that file DiNozzo. I didn't want anyone to be looking into her and find those pictures. I was pretty sure she didn't know they existed, so why should anyone else?"

"Pictures" Tony almost squeaked. "Yes" Gibbs replied. "They photographed her torture and kept logs about her mental state. But I'm not going to show you them. You need to ask her yourself. What happened to her there is still with her. You know and I both know that she has been acting differently since we brought her back."Tony gulped. He had secretly hoped that he had been imagining that..." Yes" he said shakily. Gibbs looked down and shook his head. "Let's just say there is probably a reason for that. Now if you ever want to move on you need to talk to her. You both feel like you are at fault, but your too afraid to talk to each other!" "Ziva thinks that it's her fault?" Tony asked, astonished that she still felt she was to blame. Tony suddenly felt even guiltier, he knew she carried a lot and she didn't need to carry this too. "Yea she didn't feel she deserved to be saved by us after what she did, but obviously she is wrong. And so are you! That's the whole point." Tony looked up "Thanks boss he said quietly." Gibbs just nodded looking satisfied, and pushed the button to start the elevator again. But, by the time they got out Ziva had already left for the weekend, so Tony decided to just head home.

Tony almost dropped his coffee. How could he have been so stupid?! Gibbs had practically ordered to talk to Ziva and he was still avoiding it. He was scared, he almost didn't think he could handle what she would tell him, or maybe he just didn't want to upset her. Whatever the reason, it didn't matter anymore. Before he knew what he was doing he found himself throwing on clothes and grabbing his keys. He was half way to her apartment before he even realized what time it was. Tony stopped, and almost turned around, but when he closed his eyes in frustration he flashed back to Somalia again. A thought finally hit him, if he was still having nightmares, it would be a miracle if Ziva ever slept! Tony drove the rest of the way to her house in silence. No radio tonight, he needed to think. He parked the car outside of her apartment and waited. He was trying to remember which window was hers, to see if his gut was right, that she was already up. He finally gave up deciding he would just come back another day. It was 2:00am, and they had already put it off so long, what was another couple days? Then he saw it. A light was switched on, and he saw a figure sit bolt upright in the room. Even through the curtains, and without the apartment number Tony was suddenly sure it was Ziva.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: The bolded words are ones from Ziva's point of view, and the regular ones are Tony. I just felt it worked better if it showed what both Tony and Ziva were thinking at the time…**

**Also, just a random side note: I was listening to "Heartbeat" by the Fray yesterday and it reminded me so much of these two! You might consider checking it out…**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own NCIS**

**Chapter 2 **

Tony cleared the stairs to her apartment so fast he didn't have time to think, and maybe that was a good thing, because if he had he would have realized that what he was doing wasn't very smart. Showing up at her apartment at 2:00am on a Friday night with no real reason to be there might have stopped him before, but not now. Now he was worried. Too concerned to think, or to care about the consequences of what he was about to do. He knocked on her door and waited. Tony noticed an eerie silence that followed his knocking. He had heard the water turn off, and rapid footsteps, but then the noises ceased. He knocked again, and this time he called out to her "Ziva, it's me. Please let me in."

**On the other side of the door Ziva had been sitting up in her bed panting. She had been having another nightmare about the electrocution. They were almost always about the electrocution or the … No! She would not think about that when she was awake and could repress it. Compartmentalize, that is how she was going to get through this. It had always worked before, so why shouldn't it work now? She had just gotten up and was splashing cold water on her face when she heard the knocking. She jumped. Who could possibly be here at this hour? She ran back to her bedroom and grabbed her gun from underneath her pillow. That's when she heard it. Someone was pleading with her from the other side of the door. She approached gun drawn, but stopped halfway there realizing she knew that voice. It was Tony.**

**What did he want? What could possibly be so important that he would need to bother her so late at night? As she approached the door she realized that her stomach had started to twist and flip. How could he always give her butterflies? She stood there a few more moments trying to calm herself down before opening the door. She took a deep breath, there was only one way to find out why he was there, and she could tell he was getting impatient. He started threatening to kick her door down if she didn't open it soon, so she walked to the door. She tossed her gun on the couch, she didn't need it when she was with Tony, somehow he always made her feel safe… Ziva realized the second she laid eyes on him that something was wrong. His face was missing its usual smile, and he looked worried. Way to worried for him to be there about anything good.**

Tony was just threatening to break down the door when Ziva opened it. His heart had been steadily speeding up when she wasn't answering him. He knew she was in there, and he need to talk to her. He had no idea what he was going to say, he just hoped that seeing her would calm his nerves, and prove to him that he was being completely irrational and making it all up in his head. Nope, no such luck. He took one look at her and he lost all of his resolve.

She was still crying in her sleep. He could see the remains of tears that had been streaming down her cheeks just moments ago, and the marks of her trying to wash them away. She must have picked up on his concern because she was giving him one of her looks. Not giving her time to say anything Tony closed the gap between them, and was standing right next to her cupping her face. He tried to wipe away the rest of the tears that he could still see on her face, the tears he believed were his fault. Ziva froze the moment he touched her, but after a minute she relaxed into his hands. Tony felt her rest her head in his hands, as if to tell him she was fine, but he was too busy looking her up and down to say anything. It was almost as if he thought that staring at her hard enough would fix her scars, or maybe even heal her heart. It took him a full minute before he even registered that she was trying to say something.

"**Why are you here Tony?" she repeated. This time she could tell he heard her, but he still didn't say anything. Her mind flashed back to the last time she had asked him the same question, and wondered if he remembered his response. She hadn't read into it when he said it, but by the time she was home and had time to realize what he might have been telling her she was too afraid to ever bring it up again. He swept his fingers one more time over her cheeks before he dropped his hands, and then ran them through his hair nervously. Ziva was very aware at the loose of the warmth and comfort his touch had just given her. She reached up to touch her cheek, and then quickly dropped her hand hoping he hadn't noticed. He hadn't, and when she looked up he was still staring at his feet, but now Ziva was almost sure that she could see him fighting back tears of his own. "What is wrong Tony?" Her question was again met with silence, but she was patient. She bravely took a step forward, now standing only inches away from him. To her surprise Tony took a step back. She was just about to say something else when he looked up. Ziva could see the tears running down his face. "Oh Tony…" Ziva said. She knew that he dealt with things that same way she did, by repressing them and thinking about something else, so in the rare moment that he was vulnerable she knew it was about something important. "I'm so sorry Ziva" he finally said. Ziva looked at him with questioning eyes. "Sorry for what Tony?" she asked quietly, afraid she knew what he was about to say. "It's all my fault. You have to believe that I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry Zi." Just as he met her eyes, and she was about to say something he cut her off. "I have to go. I shouldn't be here." Tony said as he turned and headed for the door, but in one swift move Ziva grabbed his arm and turned to shut the door with her foot. "No Tony you are not leaving, not until you tell me why you are here!" **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has left me a review or favorited my story, it means a lot! **

**Chapter 3**

Tony was startled when she pulled him back, but what caused him to turn around was what he heard in her voice when she told him he was not leaving. It was fear, pure and simple, and the last thing he had wanted was to scare her. God how did he always manage to mess things up so badly?! He turned to face her, and saw the panic in her eyes. It was look she always got when she was afraid someone was going to leave her; it half-pleaded you to stay and half-dared you to try and get away. Tony was not going to hurt her more by trying to leave again, so he sighed and walked over to the couch. He plopped down and landed on something hard. "Ow!" He yelled as he reached down and picked up Ziva's gun. "Were you really planning to shoot me?!" he asked, his eyes wide.

**At that Ziva couldn't help but smile a little, this was the Tony she knew and lo-. God she needed to focus and stop thinking about what obviously could never happen. She turned to towards Tony and replied with a shrug. "I did not know it was you. Once I heard you I threw it over there. I knew I wasn't going to need to protect myself anymore." She said as she walked over to take the gun and sit down next to him. She knew as soon as she the words left her lips that she was digging herself into a pit. No that wasn't the word, hole? Yes. Digging herself into a hole, but at this point she didn't care. Tony looked at her questioningly for a moment and she could tell he was surprised by her response. Ziva wondered if he was reading into the deeper meanings laced behind her words as she sat there waiting for him to respond. After what felt like an eternity she was starting to worry, what if she said the wrong thing? What if she scared him off before they even really got to talk? Just as she was about to say something Tony turned and looked her right in the eye and said something that almost broke her heart. "It being me hasn't stopped you before, so why is it different now?"**

The moment the words left his mouth Tony knew there was no taking them back. He still felt guilty about the whole Michael situation, and while she had technically forgiven him already he still didn't believe that she trusted him. He was aware that by bringing up such a sensitive subject he had stepped irreversibly closer to the invisible line they danced around. He was nervous at first that she was just going to close up like they always did, or give him some half-assed lie, but when he looked at her he instantly knew she was thinking. She was no longer looking at him, but rather staring out in front of her at a picture tapped to the wall of her living room. Tony knew that picture; it was the one of her as a child with Tali and Ari, back when things were simpler.

As he waited for her to respond he realized he was suddenly feeling very self-conscious; he didn't like to talk about himself. Okay so that wasn't exactly true, but it was hard for him to talk about things that mattered, he was always so worried he would mess them up. He hid behind his jokes and deceiving expressions, because he was too afraid of what would happen if he appeared vulnerable. His mind suddenly rewound through all his old relationships, and he knew that the reason 90% of them failed was because he was too worried about messing them up to give them a fair chance. He sighed and turned to face Ziva, looking at her for a moment trying to read her before she finally answered him. "You are right Tony. It is different now. Now I.. I just … feel … safe when you're… around I guess." She finally managed to get out as she looked up at him sheepishly. She was blushing like a school girl talking to her high school crush, and Tony couldn't help but smile. However, the smile left his face almost as quickly as it had appeared. He looked at her seriously "Are you saying you trust me Ziva?" Tony asked barely above a whisper.

**Ziva's eyes widened and she looked up so she was making eye contact again. She needed to be able to read his expression. She had expected a million responses to what she just said, 98% of them being some funny joke or random movie reference she would have to secretly look up later. She never would have thought he would opt for the serious approach. "Yes." She said simply. If he could be serious then so could she. "I meant what I said before. What happened with Michael does not matter now. All that matters is that you had my back, that you always had my back." At that Tony's expression changed, and Ziva continued to try and figure out what he was thinking. He looked relieved, but at the same time she could still tell he was holding something back. **

Tony was stunned. It was one of the few times he could remember in his life that he really did not know what to say. He just sat there for a moment looking into her big, brown, beautiful eyes, searching for just the rights words to say. Worrying that if he said the wrong thing he would ruin everything. "That will never change Zi. I will always have your back." He said quietly. "I meant what I said too." He almost whispered as continued to look at her face. He turned away quickly when he realized she didn't know what he was talking about. "Oh." He said embarrassed. "Never mind."

He had a hard time saying the words the first time, and he knew that without the truth serum he never would have said them, so he wasn't really sure he could repeat them. "I thought you would have remembered, but I guess that was kind of a ridiculous considering the condition you were in and what you had just been through when we found you. McGee was right, it didn't matter what I said that day when I was all loopy on that truth stuff, because you wouldn't remember anyway. I had just always sort of hoped you did. But then you never said anything, and I wasn't going to bring it up be-". At that Ziva cut him off. She gently put her hand over his and smiled. "I remember Tony".

**Ziva saw a flash of relief behind Tony's eyes, quickly replaced by what appeared to be anger. She sighed and removed her hand. She had always hoped he remembered what she had said, but it had never occurred to her that he would be waiting for her. She put her head in her hands and then got up and started to pace. How could she have been so naïve!? He had just reviled something very personal to her and she dismissed it. Abby was right the ball had been in her court, and she was pretty sure she had not made the right move. In fact she was almost positive she had completely missed her shot. How was she going to convince him that she truly had forgiven him and that she really did trust him? Suddenly she stopped passing. She was looking at the picture on her wall again when it hit her. She had something that would show him how much he meant to her. She ran to her room to grab it from her bed side table. **

Crap! He had scared her off again. "Ziva!" he yelled after her. "Wait! I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you!. He ran down the hall after her and stopped when he saw her bending over to look through her bedside-table. The loose over-sized T-shirt she was wearing, that he had to admit looked pretty familiar, was riding up. For a moment he couldn't help but stop and stare at her now exposed back. He smiled. He could see the dimples she had right over her butt. He remembered them from when they were undercover, and when he saw her in that skimpy black bikini… those pictures had gotten him through months on that stupid ship! Tony's smile vanished moments later, when he was brought back to reality with a crushing force. As she bent down further to dig into the back of the drawer and he could see more of her back, not just the little bit that showed when she would lift her arms under certain shirts, and he realized why she kept it covered.

He could easily make out at least 5 scars that looked like they were finally really starting to heal. He took in a sharp breath when he noticed that some of them looked like burns. Suddenly his nightmare came flooding back to him, and his subconscious took over. He walked over to Ziva quickly, and in one or two strides he had covered the distance between them. He reached out and traced one of the larger scars on her back. She jumped at his touch and quickly spun around looking like she was ready to attack him. Tony quickly leapt back. "I'm sorry Ziva. I didn't mean to hurt you… I mean I shouldn't have…" He stuttered, a little worried he had just made her dangerously angry.

**Ziva jumped at the sudden contact. She had been so focused on finding the picture that she had forgotten Tony had followed her. When he touched her she jumped out of instinct. She was still on edge from her time in Somalia. She knew she had startled him, and could see he was back peddling, literally. By the time she turned around he was almost at the door still mumbling apologies. Ziva suddenly realized she didn't want him to think he could not touch her. She picked up the photo and walked towards him, and he stopped. He went completely still as she approached him, almost as if he was bracing himself for something. Once she was just inches away from him she leaned into his ear and whispered "It is okay Tony, but now that you have seen mine I get to see your's." With that she sauntered out of the room and back towards the couch, hoping that her joking with him like they used to was enough to show him that she really was okay, when in reality she was shaking slightly. Ziva had been worried ever since she returned from Somalia that someone would see her well hidden scars. She did not want to appear weak, or let on that she secretly no longer felt beautiful. **

Tony just stood there too stunned to speak and breathing heavily. She had always managed to take his breath away, but this time was different. He had been holding his breath, bracing himself for the impact of whatever she was going to do to him for touching her. He would not have put her slapping him senseless out of the question, in fact he wouldn't have assumed she was above anything. So he let out a loud breath more in relief then in reaction to the sexy voice Ziva had used when she walked past him. He wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to read what just happened so he took another deep breath and headed back to the living room. He sat down next to her on the couch. "Ziva I-" he tried again. This time she smiled. "It is fine Tony really. You just scared me a little bit." She said with a smile. Tony's jaw dropped. "_I_ scared _**you**_!?"He asked in disbelief. At that he got a laugh. "Yes, but only because my super ninja skills are a little rusty" she said jokingly. Tony smiled, but he knew deep down what that statement really revealed. She was telling him that she didn't know how to react to things since Somalia.

He looked down at her hands trying to avoid eye contact when he noticed she was holding something. He perked back up. "You said you had something to show me? I'm gonna assume it's that piece of paper. Do you want me to guess what it is?" "Sure" Ziva replied with a smile. She knew he would never guess it. "Okay!" he said excitedly. "Is it more bikini pictures?" she laughed and shook her head. "Is it a funny picture of some cute animal? Or an ancient map to find buried treasure?" Again Ziva shook her head. "Where would I have gotten a secret map to treasure Tony?" she asked. "The internet, the black market, a flea market, or a pawn shop, just to name a few." Tony said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "Okay. I see your point." She said as she looked down at her hands again. "But you are wrong Tony. What I have is far better, and much more valuable." "What could be better than a treasure map?" Tony asked in amazement. "Why don't you look and see for yourself?" she said as she handed him the picture she was holding. Tony took it and turned it over, and for the third time that night he had absolutely no idea what to say.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: First off I want to apologize that it took me so long to upload this. I've had it completed for a while now, but my computer is being really hinky. It simply would not let me upload this doc?! Anyways… I hope you guys like where I'm going with this… there will be at least a few more chapters, and they will delve deeper into Ziva's time in captivity, and cause Ziva to reevaluate her relationship with Tony again. As always thanks for the support, and please don't forget to review!**

**Chapter 4**

Tony looked down at the picture in his hands in utter disbelief. He was looking at a picture of a document that he had signed at NCIS. It was outlying their plan of action once in Somalia. He didn't quite understand why some stupid report mattered to her so much, but then he saw it. Towards the bottom there was a question asking him if he understood that he was putting his life in danger by going on this mission, and if he was willing to take the risk. At the time Tony had signed it without even looking it over. He had been confused when Vance called him up asking him to look at it closely making sure he knew what he had just signed. Tony had reread the report, and solemnly said he would not change his answer. He put his life in danger every day; he did not understand why this time was different. Now in hind sight he realized that Gibbs had probably ordered it. The pieces were all falling into place. Gibbs telling him he knew that Tony hadn't planned to come back, McGee insisting that he couldn't go alone, Vance's hesitance to allow their mission; they were all worried because he had just signed his life away without a second thought. But why was this so important to Ziva? What made some stupid contract so valuable? "Ziva? I don't understand…" Tony said. "What were you thinking when you signed that?"Ziva asked her voice cracking slightly as she spoke. Still unsure of where she was going with this Tony decided the only thing he could do was tell the truth. "I wasn't thinking." He said sadly. "I didn't want to live anymore. I thought you were dead, and I thought it was my fault." At that Tony put his head in his hands. He was unable to hold back the tears any longer, but he still did not want Ziva to see him cry.

**Ziva reached out and gently rubbed Tony's back. This was not the reaction she had thought she was going to get. She had thought he had stopped blaming himself for her disappearance a long time ago, but she could not have been more wrong. He still felt badly enough that he was actually crying. As she sat there rubbing his back and shhing him she struggled for the right words to say. She realized that the fact that he thought it was his fault, and that he still felt guilty about it did not change what she that contract meant to her. She stopped rubbing his back , but he did not look up. Ziva reached over and turned his chin to face her. She wiped the tears off his face as she spoke. "When Gibbs left me in Israel it was because I said I no longer trusted you." She started tentatively. "I was-" Tony cut her off again. "You made him choose?" he asked in disbelief. "Yes, and he chose you Tony." **

Tony was shocked. He couldn't believe that Gibbs would have chosen him over Ziva. But what shocked him more was that she didn't seem upset by this. She accepted it with a mere shrug, as if Gibbs choosing him was no big deal. But it was. Ziva was more qualified in every sense of the word, she was a great fighter, the best interrogator, great with every weapon, and hand to hand combat, and not to mention the fact that she was gorgeous. He made a silent vow to himself to ask Gibbs about it later. "Why did you make him choose Ziva? If what you just said is true, then does that mean that Somalia never had to happen?"

**Ziva sighed, fighting back the tears "I was so angry with you Tony. I still believed you had killed Michael out of jealously and I did not trust you. My father did not trust my loyalty, and he was all I had left. My NCIS family had just left me, and he was questioning my loyalty. I could not take it. He offered me Michael's place in a mission to take down a terrorist ring in Somalia, as a way to prove my loyalty. I did not have anything to lose. I realized once I was forced to continue on my own that the mission had slowly become a suicide mission, but I knew that did not matter. My father would not have allowed me to come back until I was seriously injured, dead, or the job was done. So I continued on, and it was not until spent a lot of time reflecting on what happened once I was captured that I realized that you had always been there for me. I had been in no position not to trust you. You had never done anything that was not for my best interests, but I was unable to see that at the time. And when you came to pick me up I was ready to die. I would have given my life that day to save you or McGee that day without a second thought. I did not think that I deserved anything from anyone, let alone your trust." **

By now Tony had calmed back down and was looking intently at Ziva as she spoke. He could tell she was nervous, because she kept fidgeting with her hands. Tony was completely lost in her words, stunned into silence by the sudden admission about her feelings on that day. It took him a little while to realize she had stopped talking and was looking at him, wanting to know if he understood yet. "You were always worth fighting for Ziva. It would not have mattered what you did, you are family, and families fight for the ones they love". Ziva looked up at him, now with tears of her own running down her cheeks. Tony smiled, "But Zi I still do not understand how some stupid paper made you trust me again, instead of just the act of me coming to save you?"

**Ziva thought back to the day when she had first found the photo. She had been back for a few days now, but things were far from normal. She had still not been reinstated as an agent, because apparently her psych evaluations were not up to par. She was tired of doing all the grunt work upstairs, so she had jumped at the chance to go down and visit Abby. Abby had been mad at her for a while when she had first gotten back, but they had since made up. When she arrived in the lab she had found Abby sitting on her floor with boxes spread all around her. When Ziva had asked Abby had told her she was going through old evidence. She had sat down next to Abby and offered to help. Abby had tried to shove one of the boxes towards her, while simultaneously another one away from her, but Ziva had noticed and called her out on it. **

**The box had been marked Somalia. Abby said that there wasn't anything in there she needed to see and tried again to push it away from her. Ziva grabbed the box and told her that she needed to see it. She opened the box and sifted through its contents. There was an envelope with pictures, and another one with documents. She had been too afraid to open the one with the pictures, so she opted for the larger document one. Abby had leaned over to see what Ziva was looking at. Ziva leafed through the papers, and since nothing had caught her eye she was about to put them back when Abby grabbed them from her. "Wait! I forgot about this one" she said excitedly. "What Abby" she had asked. "Ziva, this one is about Tony" she said sadness creeping into her voice. "I think you need to read it". Ziva remembered how her heart had started to race, unsure of what she was about to see. She grabbed the paper back and read it over quickly, and then she read it again and again, sure she was missing something. After reading it for what must have been the 15****th**** time she quietly spoke. "He signed his life away to save me Abby. After all I had to him; he still was willing to risk his life to save me."**

** "I know" Abby had replied. "Why do you think I was so mad at you when you came back?! You had put everyone I cared about in danger, and brought them so much pain, and you didn't even seem to notice. I hadn't really considered the fact that you didn't know what they were willing to do for you until later, and in hind sight I guess I should have but, I was just so worried about you guys. And then Tony and Gibbs and McGee all left too! It was just too much." Abby rambled on, but stopped when she realized that Ziva was no longer listening. She was once again reading the document. "Can I keep this Abby?" she pleaded. Abby thought for a minute. She knew she could not give away evidence on a Top Secret mission, but she also could see how much this meant to Ziva. Then it hit her. "No Ziva, you can't keep it, and I can't copy it. It's against the rules." Ziva looked crestfallen, but before she could say anything Abby was pulling her up and grabbing the document. "But…" she said excitedly "It doesn't say I can't photograph it and then give you the photograph." She smiled and rushed off to take the photo before anyone came down and saw what she was doing. Ziva had been so happy when Abby gave her the photo, that she carried it around with her the whole rest of the day, sneaking glances at it periodically to make sure it was still her. Once she got home that night she had stuck it in her bedside-table as a constant reminder that she had people that loved her, and were willing to do anything to protect her. **

**Ziva was suddenly brought out of her flashback, when she heard Tony talking to her again. This time she took his hands and looked at him, pleading him to understand what she was about to say. "Tony you signed your life away. For me, the person who had just broken all of your trust. I realized in Somalia that you were different. Every man in my life other than you and Gibbs had always used me for their own personal gain. It never mattered what I thought, or how things effected me, so when you killed Michael I was hurt, and I was angry. But mostly at myself, for being stupid enough to fall for it again. It was not until I saw that document that I realized that you really were willing to do anything for me. I know that you did not plan to save me that day, but that only makes my point stronger. You were willing to finish what I had started, while putting yourself in grave danger and you expected nothing from it. You did what my own father would not do; you were fighting for me. I realized in that moment that I would never, no could never doubt you again."**

Tony felt a sudden pain in his chest when Ziva compared him to her father. He knew how much pain he had caused her. "I would never do that to you Ziva." Tony said as he stroked her hair and brought her head back down to his shoulder. "I'm glad you trust me again, because out of all the pain I've had in my life, you thinking I did not have your six hurt the most. Sometimes I forget what you have been through, and for that I'm truly sorry." Tony kissed the top of her head, the way Gibbs often did when he wanted to comfort her. She relaxed into his embrace, and they sat there for a long time just enjoying the comfort the other one gave them.

**After a while Ziva realized something. She had been looking well more like staring at him when she realized he had avoided her original question. Damn he really was a good investigator, but so was she, and she had not even used all of her "techniques" yet. She sat up. "Tony there is something I need to ask you." her voice was softer than before; she was begging him not to get scared and try and run again. "You still have not told me why you are here, and I want a serious answer. Are you okay?" she asked worry growing as she watched him tense up. **

Tony froze. He had almost forgotten why he had come, almost. He was so good at avoiding things, and the way they were talking was a deeper version of how their normal used to be, and he liked it. He sighed and looked down. She did deserve an answer, and a serious one at that, but what could he say? He couldn't tell her he was having nightmares and he needed to see her and make sure she was okay, because that was selfish and weak, and DiNozzo men were neither of those things. Well he wasn't anyway. Tony sank back against the couch again and Ziva did the same, resting her head on her elbow against the back of the couch. She fidgeted with a loose seam on the couch as she waited. Before he lost any courage he still had left he looked up at her, and turned on his side. He brought his hand up and stroked her hair absentmindedly again as he admitted quietly "I was worried about you Zi. I have been worried about you for a while actually, but tonight was different. I just needed to see you and know you were okay I guess." He smiled sadly as he continued to stroke her hair.

**Ziva was stunned at intimate gesture and froze for a minute waiting for his response. Her heart started to race, thinking that maybe he was finally going to tell her how he felt about her, but once he finally said it, she let out a loud sigh and sank down to rest her head on his shoulder. She sat there for a moment trying to show him that she was ok, reassure him that she was not going anywhere, because that had to be what he was worried about right? Worried that she would leave again? Then something else dawned on her, something that was rather unsettling. She normally would have dismissed it, but Tony had an uncanny gut, and she wondered if he could have possibly sensed that. She thought about it for a minute, realizing how much sense his surprise visit finally made. "You had a nightmare, yes?" she asked quietly looking up at Tony as she played with the buttons on his shirt. **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry this took me a little while to get out. I have been super busy! Also was anyone else surprised with how "Revenge" turned out?! I couldn't believe they were barely injured… I mean I'm glad, but I'm kinda wondering how they are going to end this season… I also really worried since Cote hasn't renewed her contract yet! What would they do without her!? **

**BTW from now on this fic is rated T+ as a precaution because of the sensitive topics it is going to discuss.**

**Chapter 5**

He really shouldn't have been surprised that Ziva would have guessed his true motives. She had always been one of the few people who took the time to look past his masks and find out what was underneath. Still, he was a little taken back by her bluntness. He didn't like not having wiggle room in his responses, having an out incase people didn't like what they heard or what they saw. His biggest fear was that he would say the wrong thing and it would scare her into closing up again. He sighed and looked down at her hand which was still resting supportively on his chest. He took a deep breath, took her hand in his , and turned to face her. "Yes" he replied gravely, looking into her tired eyes. "One of the worst I have ever had." Expecting Ziva to pull away and drop the topic all together at his confession, he was startled when she squeezed his hand. " It is okay Tony" she said looking straight at him and taking a deep breath of her own before adding " Do you want to tell me about it?"

**Ziva could see that Tony had not expected this, and to be honest she wasn't sure she had expected it until the words left her mouth. They sat there staring at each other for a few minutes before he finally spoke again. "I'm sure it's not as bad as some of the ones you had, and I'm fine we really don't need to talk about it if it will make you feel worse. It was selfish for me to need to come see you. Really I'm fine I just need to make sure you were okay…I … um… I'll be fine." Ziva remembered Tony knew about her nightmares from their time in Paris, but she did not know how much they had affected him. She couldn't believe that he was downplaying his own pain, thinking that it was selfish of him to feel like he needed to know she was alright. She could remember waking up so many nights screaming, and thinking she would give anything to be in his protective embrace again, but she didn't have the courage to go and tell him. She could tell her silence was killing him, and she knew there was only one thing she could do to fix this quickly crumbling situation: they needed to talk about what happened to her there. She mustered up what was left of her courage and started. "It was not selfish Tony. I understand. I have often felt the same way, but I did come to find you because I did not want to talk about what happened. But, I am ready now Tony, so please tell me and I promise I will be honest with you."**

Tony froze. They were finally going to talk about Somalia. His earlier thoughts came flooding back, what if he couldn't bear what she told him? What if it was just too hard to hear? What if he couldn't handle hearing about those awful mean hurting her, because of his mistake? Tony continued to look at his hands unsure of how to begin. He was worried that if he told her what had really dreamed she would get scared and close up. He kept thinking, knowing his choice in words was crucial to the outcome of this moment. When he finally looked up he realized Ziva was staring at him. Crap. He gave himself a mental head slap realizing that she had just told him something important and he completely ignored it. Tony took a long, shaky breath and began. "I would understand Ziva. I would probably not want to have talked about it either" he said sheepishly. "But, I want you to know that feeling upset or vulnerable about what happened to you when you were there is not a weakness. You endured something that most people would never have lived through. I want you to know that I would never lie to you Ziva, but most importantly I want you to trust me enough to know that you can always come to me. It doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night, or 2:00pm on our day off, I'm always here for you. At lo lavad. " He smiled, hoping that he had pronounced it correctly.

**Ziva looked at him and couldn't help but relax. She hadn't realized she had been so on edge waiting for his answer. All the men in her life had somehow disappointed her, and a part of her was always waiting for the other shoe to drop in moments like these. Ziva looked back at Tony who was staring intently at her. "What?" he asked clearly confused. "Did I pronounce it wrong? I practiced it like a million times!" At that Ziva let out a small laugh, of course Tony would practice something like that. Then it hit her, he had been practicing saying that to her. She wasn't sure he realized the weight that confession held, so she decided to just thank him instead. "I know Tony. I have known ever since you came to save me. But thank you for saying it; it is always nice to hear." She looked at him to find him smiling back at her, clearly happy she appreciated his statement. Maybe it wasn't so ridiculous for her to think he meant it the way she took it… God! What were they just talking about? How did he manage to always break her usually impenetrable focus?! Oh right nightmares… unfortunately they couldn't avoid the topic forever, so she decided to guide him back to the subject." Was it about me tony?" She asked in a whisper.**

Once he realized what she was talking about his face fell as Tony flashed back to the nightmare. There had been sand, chains, and lots of angry men shouting in a language he didn't understand, but that was normal for his nightmares, and there was something different about this one. He thought for a moment and then it him. "Yes" he said as hot angry tears began to stream down his face. "It was one of the worst ones I have ever had. We were forced to watch..." He said before he stopped to wipe his eyes and calm his nerves.

**"Watch what?" Ziva asked as calmly as she could, resisting every one of her urges to get up and run. Tony needed her to be there and they needed to get through this. "They made us watch them torture you" he said, sounding if he might lose it at any moment. "There was nothing we could do to stop it. McGee and I tried, we really did. But anytime we tried to get out of our chains they beat you harder, finally we realized the only way we could help would be to stand still. I'm so sorry Ziva. It's all my fault. They hurt you and it's all my fault. " " Oh Tony!" Ziva said sadly. "It was just a dream. I forgive you; there was nothing you could have done. "Ziva said these words thinking they would calm him down, but what he said next left her utterly speechless. "But it wasn't just a dream Zi." He said sadly, looking at her through teary eyes. "They hurt you like that for four months before we came to save you, and it's my fault you left." It hit Ziva with the force of a gunshot; He wasn't really worried about his dream. The dreams just made the worries surface; they reminded him of what he thought was a huge mistake. Before she could even fully process this he started talking again. **

" At first after you left I was pissed. I was mad that you left us because you didn't trust me when I thought I had done nothing wrong. But after about a month I realized that it really was my fault. It should not have acted the way I did, and I was a little jealous of Michael. But I would never have let that affect my actions. I realized that I was being selfish, and that thinking like that still meant that you were gone. I hoped that you would realize that I would never hurt you like that, and that you could to get past that and trust me again. But you were still gone, so how would I ever be able to apologize if I didn't even know where you were? I became obsessed with trying to find you, and then all the sudden Gibbs tells us you died when your ship went down. I basically lost my will to live. Nothing had meaning anymore once I realized that you were gone."

Tony stopped and took a much needed breath, and Ziva opened her mouth to say something, but he put his finger to her lips. He needed to get through this. "I know I've said a lot of this already Zee-vah, but stick with me I'm trying to tell you something important." She nodded and waited for him to continue. "As I was saying, I knew I couldn't just let it go. I felt too guilty about what had happened, and I was far too angry. So I told Gibbs that we were going to finish your mission. I later found out that he knew my true motives all along, and volunteered all of us to make sure I came back. But, I guess I never was all that good at hiding how I felt when it came to you was I?" He smiled one of his million dollar DiNozzo smiles.

"Vance Okayed it and we left the next day. Our plan was to take out Saleem, and then Gibbs would come and rescue us. McGee and I got captured on purpose as a way to get into the camp. We were beaten and interrogated endlessly for 24 hours before we were moved to that last room. Then he gave me that stupid truth stuff as a last attempt to get information, but I kept up my usually cryptic façade, and he didn't really get anything. When he left to go get you I thought he was going to get someone to come and kill us." Tony stopped and looked at her. Ziva was staring at him with an expression he couldn't quite read "Why is this important Tony?" she asked quietly. "Because you need to know what happened in order to understand what I'm about to tell you" he said calmly. "Okay, then tell me Tony, what happened next?" He smiled weakly, wincing slightly at the memory. "You know what happened next, because he pulled that bag off of your head, and all the sudden I was face to face with you. You have you understand that what I'm about to say isn't meant to offend you okay?" He told her earnestly.

** "Tony, I think we are long past offending each other" Ziva joked trying to lighten the mood. He laughed and continued "Okay well, you looked awful. You were so bruised and battered, but what struck me most was how weak you were. He practically carried you in, and when we walked out McGee and I had to do basically the same thing. But, I was also struck by how beautiful you were. You were alive, and I have never been happier in my life. A day that had been one of the worst in my life turned out to be the absolute best day in a matter of seconds, all because of you. But something haunted me long after we came back. You were different. Something in you died during your time in Somalia, but something in me died too, so I wasn't all that surprised considering how much longer you were there. It wasn't until our last case that I got really worried." Ziva looked up at him again in shock. There last case had been about Gibbs's past why had that troubled him? Wait… what if he meant the petty officer… Oh no. Ziva let out a shaky sigh. "What do you know about my time there Tony?" She asked, fearing his answer. **

"Nothing." He said almost instantly. "That's the problem. I freaked out about you. My mind conjured up all these things when I had to watch you in interrogation with her, and I panicked. I checked out your medical file, and I had every intent of reading it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew I needed to hear what happened to you there from you, but it was killing me. I couldn't stop thinking about what I caused to happen to you. But, I'm never going to break your trust by looking myself. If you do not want to tell me, you absolutely do not have to." He said animatedly. Ziva took another deep breath and looked him right in the eyes. " No Tony, I meant what I said before, I'm done pretending. I'm ready to talk about what happened to me."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Ok, so I apologize that this chapter is a little dark, but I felt that all of these things needed to be said. Bold and Italics symbolizes when Ziva is flashing back, but telling Tony what she is remembering at the same time, and just italics symbolize a flash back Ziva had while in Somalia that she isn't sharing with Tony. **

**Chapter 6**

**Ziva looked at Tony. She knew once she started that she wasn't going to be able to take any of it back. His opinion of her would probably never be the same, and that terrified her. She couldn't fathom that he might not be there for her anymore, but nevertheless the thought had always haunted her. Tony broke her train of thought when he cupped her face again and turned her to look at him. "Ziva, before you start I want you to know that nothing, absolutely nothing will change how I feel about you. I meant what I said. At lo levad. I am not going anywhere, I promise." Ziva leaned forward and engulfed Tony in a tight hug. "How do you always know what I'm thinking" she said quietly, her head resting on his shoulder. "Practice" he said with a kind smile. **

**Ziva untangled herself from Tony's embrace and sat up, but she was startled at how weird the sudden loss of contact felt. She lent her head against Tony's shoulder, as he began to calmingly stroke her hair. After sitting there for what felt like days she still had no idea how to begin to tell him what happened to her. Exasperated and suddenly very hot she reached up and pulled off her shirt to reveal her bright blue sports bra. The startled look on Tony's face almost made her laugh when she realized he was staring at her, his mouth gaping in shock. "Close your mouth Tony" she said scolding him "you do not want to catch any spies".**

**At this Tony clamped his mouth shut, and hurriedly brought his gaze back up to her face. "It's flies Ziva, not spies" he said with a half-smile creeping across his lips. Stupid Americans and their stupid sayings she cursed under her breath. Who would want to catch flies in their mouth anyway!? Ziva was drawn from her inner ramblings when she realized Tony was looking at her again. The first time she figured he was just checking her out, but by now it was more like leering and she was getting a little self conscience. Crossing her arms across her stomach she cocked her head to the side and looked at Tony. "What Tony? Would you like me to put my shirt back on?" She made a move to grab her shirt from its place on the floor when she felt a hand gently touch her back. Jumping slightly at the touch she sat up in time to see Tony pulling his hand back and begin to fidget nervously with his fingers. "No Zi. That's not it." He said quietly. Ziva looked down wondering if she had some ghastly bruise she had forgotten about, and that's when she discovered the object, or rather objects of his fascination. All of her usually hidden scars were clearly visible. Shit! She thought to herself. How could she be this stupid!? She must look like a mess with all her barely healed scars reflecting as the moonlight bounced off her sweat. "I'm sorry Tony. I forgot."**

**As she was making another attempt to pull her shirt over her head Tony once again stopped her. This time he grabbed the shirt from her hands and tossed it back on the floor. "No" he said in a voice barely above a whisper" I've always said you were beautiful, and I meant what I said when I told you nothing you could say or do would change how I feel about you."Ziva frowned at his response. "You cannot possibly think this is pretty Tony!" she said incredulously. Tony smiled and rubbed his thumb slowly over one of the scars on her shoulder " I believe that a person's body is a reflection of who they are." he said earnestly. "Well then what does that say about me!? That I'm broken goods?" She asked looking down at her scarred abdomen. "The saying is damaged goods Ziva, and no. It tells me that you are a fighter. You have endured hardships, but you do not let them stop you. You accept it as a part of yourself and you heal and move on. It tells me that you're a pretty amazing woman Ms. David" Tony said with a smile. "It also tells me that you really do trust me again." he said quietly. "How does it prove that?" Ziva asked stunned. When she had first looked in the mirror when she got back from Somalia her thoughts were that no one would ever want her again. I mean how could they? She was and always would be ****_damaged_**** goods? But now listening to Tony say these things Ziva was filled with something she had long since given up on: hope. Maybe just maybe someone would be able to love her the way she had always hoped for. Her attention was drawn away from her thoughts as Tony once again began to run his fingers over her scar on her shoulder. " You trusted me enough to let me see all of you, even the parts you do not like" he said, his thoughts clearly somewhere else. "How did you get this one?" He asked rubbing it lovingly with his thumb**

**Ziva cringed remembering exactly how she had received that circular burn****_. It had been about a 2.5 months since her original capture, and Saleem was running out of ideas. She had not given up any of her NCIS colleagues, and refused to tell them anything useful if she ever spoke at all. He had decided it was time to switch tactics. He was done playing games. As, Saleem marched in to her room that morning and ordered her to get up and follow him to a different room Ziva was secretly hoping he was going to kill her. But, once she arrived she realized this was not his plan. The room was empty except for a mat on the floor and a small window on the far wall. He ordered her to lie down. Saleem told her she had one last chance or she was going to be chained to the floor, but she still refused. He had simply shrugged and pushed her roughly against the ground as he chained her arms above her head, and her ankles to the floor. What bothered Ziva weren't the chains, but rather the position she was in; he had left her knees bent and her legs open. Once he was done he stood up and left. Ziva was left alone to worry about what exactly he had in store for her now. About an hour or so later a large man came in. He came and stood over Ziva. "Lucky me" he had said as he turned around to lock the door "I get to have you first". Suddenly Ziva thought she was going to hurl; the realization of what was about to happen to her ripped through her like a bullet: he was going to rape her. Her mind instantly flashed back to her training at the Mossad._**

_The female teacher had brought all the girls with her one day and they drove far out into the desert. Ziva had assumed it was a special training exercise, but she was confused when they arrived at a camp much like the one she would later find herself in. The teacher had ordered them to get out and follow her. They had stopped before the entrance to what appeared to be a terrorist camp, and the teacher had told them this was a rescue mission, but that they were not allowed to attack until given orders to do so. They had all nodded and followed their teacher silently down the hallway. They walked into a room and then they were told to wait. The teacher pressed a button on the wall and barked orders into the intercom. A few minutes later a beaten young girl was brought in and shoved down on the floor. Ziva still remembered the sickening feeling she had in her gut when she saw the 5 men come in a few minutes later. _

_They proceeded to take turns raping the young girl, as Ziva's teacher told the girls tactics to make it less painful, and how to get out of the position they were in. She told them that the safest escape was death, but it could be quite painful if there was nothing in the room to help them commit suicide. Ziva had accepted all this information and solemnly swore to herself that she would die before she ever let this happen to her. She realized she must have spaced out, because the next thing she remembered was their teacher saying that if they were ever stuck in a camp like this no one from the Mossad was going to come to save them, they were on their own. At that Ziva had lost it. There were 5 men and at least 20 of them, what were they waiting for?! This was a rescue mission after all! She charged past their teacher and barged into the next room. In the next 30 seconds she had already knocked out 3 of the men, and probably killed the 4__th__. That left the one still on the girl. Ziva she stood in front of the man, above the girls head, and told him he could have her instead. The man had laughed and said something she didn't understand, but he got up. As soon as he was off the girl Ziva had charged at him, flipped him over and snapped his neck._

_ Her next move was to help the girl. She helped her stand up and pull up her now torn pants. Letting the girl lean on her she guided her back out. Not stopping until she was safely aboard the bus that they had ridden to the camp. Ziva then stormed angrily back into the camp. She had walked in and stood face to face with her teacher. Ziva could tell the woman had not suspected her to react this way, because her mouth was still open in shock. "What?!" Ziva had asked angrily. "Did you expect me to just leave her there? You said this was a rescue mission, and I clearly just rescued that girl. I do not regret my actions, and if you feel I am not cut out to be Mossad because of how I acted then so be it." She had turned to leave, when she felt her teacher reach out and grab her arm. Turning to look at her she had seen the look her teacher had in her eyes. It wasn't anger, it was a mixture of gratitude, fear, and maybe even a little bit of pride. "You are something Ziva. You may have just saved that girls life, charging in there with no back up and not knowing what was going on could be seen as stupid, but it was also very brave." Ziva became even more distraught at this response. "It was not brave. It was our duty. You said it was a rescue mission, and if you knew she was here all this time, why did you not save her yourself!?" she shouted feeling her face flush hot with rage. "I found out yesterday Ziva." The woman had responded quietly. "And I came here with every intention to save her, but when I saw what was going on I froze, but you did not." Ziva heaved and angry sigh. "Forget it." she had mumbled. "Make it up to me by saving her." She had shouted as she walked out of the room. _

**_Ziva screamed and tried desperately to break her chains, but the big man had only laughed. " Shhhhh" he had said with mock concern as he began to unbutton his pants. Ziva had never been more terrified in her life then she was in that moment, because she had never been more helpless. She continued to struggle with her cuffs as the man came over and lowered himself on top of her. Trying desperately to use the techniques her teacher had told them about, but her actions were in vain, and the man was fed up. "Stop moving you stupid whore!" he had shouted as he took his cigarette out of his mouth. Ziva continued to scream, until suddenly she was bombarded with the smell of burning flesh. She couldn't figure out where it was coming from, until she looked down. She saw the man smiling devilishly as he extinguished his cigarette on her shoulder. _**

**_She was too stunned to move, as she felt her skin burning with an intensity unlike anything she had ever experienced before. "That sure shut you up!" He said with and evil grin. "Now hold still" he had managed to get her pants down around her ankles before Ziva's instincts kicked in and she started thrashing again. Sharp, piercing pain suddenly shot through her entire body, as she felt like she was being torn in two. She continued to struggle, but eventually she realized it was only making the pain worse. Going completely still she resorted to her last option. She just lay there and tried to think about something else, anything else.. Several minutes later the man had gotten up, pulled up his pants, rearranged her own, and then left without as much as a word to her. _**

**_This continued for weeks with different men each day. They developed a schedule, and she was able to tell who was coming next. By then she had long since given up struggling and had become numb to the pain they caused her. She counted days by the number of men, and longed for the 4th night in the rotation. That was the night when the young boy came. The first night he had come in Ziva had completely lost it. She had feelings that she experienced in that moment she was long since numb to: she was terrified. It scared her more to know that this little boy who couldn't me older than 16 was going to rape her than the cigarette man ever could. Ziva was having a full on panic attack when she realize the boy was sitting down next to her, his head resting against his propped up arm. "I'm not going to rape you" he had said. "Saleem can force me to work here, but he cannot force me to hurt you". "Well what are you going to do to me then?" She had asked incredulously. "Fix you." He responded with a small smile, as he rose and picked up a doctors bag. He slowly set about to stitching up her scars, and setting her broken bones, always telling her where he was going to touch next so that he didn't scare her. Over the next month she became very close to him, and she had been awaiting his arrival on the day Saleem had come in, put a bag over her head, an dragged her out to see Tony. She owed him her life, because the doctors said without him she would have far worse lasting damage._**

**Ziva suddenly became very aware of the silence that had surrounded her. She stopped at looked at Tony, who was sitting frozen in the same spot as before; hot, angry tears spilling from his eyes. She was about to say something when he shook his head, and in one swift movement pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapped it around her, and pulled her into a tight hug. Ziva was very aware of the fact that he was shaking. "It's okay Tony" she whispered soothingly. "I'm fine now". Even she knew that was a lie, and her ears strained to make out his muffled response, since he had buried his head in her hair. "Just one. That was just one scar!?" He repeated in bewilderment. Ziva moved her head and put her hands on Tonys cheeks, wiping away his tears as she spoke. "No tony that was how I got my first rape scar, but I received many more during that time". She pulled back and pointed to a few along her hips "these were from a different man, who liked to keep count of his times with me" she said absentmindedly. "And there are some other ones that I don't not really wish to show you right now..." She said suddenly panicking about being completely naked. "But" she said sadly "I will tell you what they are. There are a few more burns from cigarettes on my back, and I have some more cuts from a different man on my chest. I also have um... Extensive ... Tearing..." She said quietly, trailing off because she was unsure how to finish.**

Her silence drew Tony out of his trance. He hadn't been able to speak since Ziva started. Still not really trusting himself to speak, he once again wrapped her up and pulled her close to him, rubbing slow circles on her back in a comforting manner. He stayed like this until he felt her breathing even out, and she stopped shaking. "I might never be able to have children now." She said almost to herself as she rubbed her now puffy eyes. "And it is ironic how I never thought I wanted any until I no longer had the option". Tony looked down at her, tears still blurring his vision. What could he possibly say to that to make her feel better? He did the only thing he could think of, and leaned down and kissed her fore head and pulled her closer. "At lo levad." He whispered in her ear as he continued to hug her. After some time of content silence he decided he had to ask her one last question that had been gnawing at the back of his mind since she first started talking. "Ziva." He asked quietly, not wanting to startle her. She looked up at him with heavy eyes. "Yes Tony?" She asked. "What happened during those first 2 months, before he chained you in that god forsaken room?"

** AN: Because this chapter is so long I am going to post it in two parts. The second half should be up later this evening. Sorry!**


	7. Chapter 6 (part 2)

**AN: Okay here is the 2****nd**** half as promised!**

* * *

**Chapter 6.2**

**Ziva sighed she was tired, but she was almost done. Admitting what happened to her was already lifting weight off her shoulders, so she decided it would be best to just get it all out. "Well I have already told you the worst part I suppose" she said distractedly. "So I might as well just finish it yes?" No waiting for his response she pulled back the blanked again, this time looking at the scars she had around her rib cage. **

**_Ziva had just woken up and the first thing she realized once she was able to see through her splitting headache was that she was not alone. There was a man standing over her. "Tell me everything you know about NCIS" he shouted as he pulled her head back by her hair. Her left eye was swollen shut, thanks to a blow she had received the day before. Her lip was split, and she figured her nose was probably broken as well. She has gasped for air, but refused to tell him anything. He was going to have to do more than just beat her if he ever wanted to get anything from her. _**

**_Saleem and his men spent the next two weeks taking turns kicking the crap out of her. Some days they would hit her until she was unconscious in a matter of minutes, while other days they would beat her slowly, so that she was in pain all day. At the end of the first two weeks Saleem had come back in and given her some truth serum. He told her that in a matter of minutes she would be physically incapable of lying. Ziva felt the serum slowly starting to take effect and it took all of her will power to suppress telling him what he wanted to know. "Let me ask you again miss David. What do you know about NCIS?" "Nothing." Ziva croaked. "Wrong answer" Saleem had smirked as he slapped her across the face. "There will be a punishment for every wrong answer" he had told her calmly. "So I suggest that you choose your words wisely." After about three hours, and twenty punches later Ziva was once again unconscious, or at least Saleem thought she was. He had no more useful information than when he started. All he knew was that she had killed her brother, but he didn't give a rat's ass about her personal life. He cursed under his breath as he passed around her. Eli had been right when he said that she was stubborn. _**

**_He took out his cell phone and made a call. "Hello director" he said coolly. "I just thought you might like to know we have your daughter." "What do you mean you know?" "Well no I had hoped she wasn't able to find us on her own, but I did not think a man would send his only daughter on a mission like this." "No, you're right I do not know you." There was a long pause. "So let me get this straight. You're telling me to do whatever it takes to break her loyalty to NCIS so that she will die loyal to you and Israel? Is that correct?" "Ok as you wish sir". And with that he had clicked the phone shut and stormed out of the room. _**

When Ziva said this Tony had jumped up and started angrily passing around the room. "So you're telling me Ziva that not only did your father know you were there, but he knew what they were doing to you and he had no intention of saving you?!" Tony screamed angrily. " Yes Tony" she said sadly. "That is why I never gave up NCIS. I realized in that moment that it didn't matter what any of you had done, because none of your sins would ever be as great as my fathers were. I could not let him win." "The pictures!" Tony exclaimed angrily as he sat back down "That's why they were taking pictures." "What pictures?" Ziva asked nervously. Tony let out an aggravated sigh. "When we collected evidence from the camp to bring home, and someone found pictures. I had no idea they existed until yesterday, when I wanted to check out your medical file. Gibbs grabbed it from me and we had a long talk in the elevator. He told me that he had removed the photos, because no one needed to see you that way. What he failed to tell me was the fact that your father had been the one receiving those pictures." Tony was fuming. "I wish I could go back and kill Saleem all over again!"

Ziva sat there in shock, taking in what tony had just told her. "Are you saying Gibbs has seen those photos?" Ziva asked on the verge of tears. Tony hadn't thought about that. He tried to remember his conversation with Gibbs. Crap. Gibbs had said he looked in the file and that was when he found the photos. Tony hadn't thought anything of it at the moment because he didn't know what had happened to her, but now that he did he cringed at the thought of Gibbs looking at those pictures. "Yes." Tony finally replied. " But he removed them so no one else could see them, and I'm sure he will never say anything to you about what he saw unless you bring it up." he added, unsure if it was for really for her benefit or his. "I wonder what he thought when he saw those photos?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "That he was glad he was the one to put the bullet in Saleems head." Tony said with a shrug.

**At that Ziva almost smiled, but then she realized that she wasn't done. There was still one month she hadn't told Tony about. She took a deep breath and continued. ****_The next day Saleem had come in and moved Ziva to another room. He then told her to strip down so that she was wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. She had done as she was told, hoping desperately that he would just kill her already. He then forced her to sit down on a cold metal chair. He tied her arms behind her back, and her ankles to the legs of the chair. "I told you that actions had consequences Ziva, and now you will see just how mean I can be when you make me mad." "Oh, so you have been playing nice this whole time?" Ziva responded in a very DiNozzo matter. "I hadn't noticed". No sooner had the words left her mouth before Ziva was shocked, literally. It was a weird sensation, and she couldn't figure out where it came from, then she realized, she was being electrocuted through the chair. The electrocution continued for weeks, damaging her nerves so badly that she still felt like she was burning even when she was not being electrocuted. As a way to increase her pain Saleem had wrapped some of the wires around her ribs. The pain was so bad that she wished everyday that they would turn the dial just a little too far, and it would kill her, but she never got her wish. Saleem did manage to break her down so that she was very far from her normal self, but she still would not give up NCIS. He would have gladly kept electrocuting her, but it was getting to be expensive. It required a ridiculous amount of electricity, and they were already way over their monthly limit. One random day he came in, unchained her, and then left again. This was a whole different kind of torture, because he knew full well that Ziva was too weak to even stand up, let alone try and escape. He came back to find her the next day lying flat on the ground, passed out from pure exhaustion. He woke her up, dressed her, and then dragged her into another room. _**

**At that Ziva stopped. She had already told Tony about the raping, and there was no reason to do it twice. Tony was once again looking at the scars on her rib cage. "Are those from the wires?" he asked quietly. "Yes, they go the whole way around my back, but avoid my heart. He did not want to kill me." She said sadly. "Thank God!" Tony breathed as he reached out to trace her scars once more before pulling her into another tight hug. ******

* * *

After Ziva had finished telling Tony about her time in Somalia she had been so exhausted she couldn't help but succumb to much needed sleep. Tony sat there with her in content silence as he felt her breathing even out. She had her head resting in his lap, and her legs extended on the rest of the couch. He pulled the blanket around her and then lent back against the couch. He couldn't believe how long they had talked for, or the fact that they had finally talked about Somalia. Even though what Ziva had told him confirmed his worst nightmares, he felt better now. He could tell she did too, he had seen the weight slowly being lifted off her as she shared her pain with someone else, even though he could do nothing to help her now. Well he thought that's actually not true. Tony could be there for her. He had promised her that she was not alone, and he intended to keep that promise. Slowly he began to drift off to sleep himself. I was the first night in a long time that he did not remember having a nightmare.

Sadly it was not the same for Ziva. Talking about everything that had happened to her in Somalia had been good for her, but it still brought all of those things to the surface. She had opened the flood gates, and was unable to keep them closed again once she fell asleep. Tony woke up to the sound of someone screaming his name. It took him a minute to register where he was, and who was yelling for him. He looked down at Ziva, who appeared to still be asleep, but was helplessly calling, out his name. She was shaking, and Tony had no idea how to stop it. He tried softly talking to her "its okay Ziva. Wake up. It's just a bad dream", but that seemed to only upset her more. He was about to try and shake her awake when he realized what a terrible idea that was. He let out an exasperated sigh. Think Tony think! What did his mom do when he would have nightmares? Why couldn't he remember, then it hit him, she sang to him. Unfortunately he couldn't remember a single Italian lullaby, and he was running out of time. By now the screams were louder and much closer together, and to make matters worse she was sweating. Tony thought for a minute trying desperately to remember any song slow enough to sing to her. He finally remembered on he had heard on the radio earlier that week. It had reminded him of her a lot actually, and he decided it was as good as anything else to sing to her. He began to rub Ziva's back slowly as he sang.

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know that I am here.

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still, be still, and know.

When darkness comes upon you,

And covers you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I'm with you,

And I will say your name.

If terror falls upon your bed

And sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said:

"Be still, be still, and know…"

By the time Tony had gotten to this part of the song Ziva had stopped screaming but was still slowly shaking. He looked at her, lying there helplessly in his arms and decided the best thing he could do was to keep singing.

And when you go through the Valley

And the Shadow comes down from the hill,

If morning never comes to be,

Be still, be still, be still.

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from,

If no one's standing beside you,

Be still, and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know I am.

As he finished the last lines of the song he realized that Ziva was once again sound asleep. He smiled happily to himself, pleased that he was able to help her. He almost laughed thinking back on the song he sang, realizing how perfect it had been for that moment. Tony drifted back to sleep with a smile on his face. He had finally had the guts to at least partially admit how he felt about Ziva, and even if she did not remember it he wouldn't change that moment for the world.

* * *

The next day Tony was awoken by the smell of bacon cooking. He yawned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. When he looked down and saw the empty spot on the couch he had a moment of panic. Where was Ziva? Had she gotten scared and run off when she woke up and found herself in his arms? It hadn't stopped her in Paris… but things were different now. Things had been said that could never be taken back. He sprung up, and immediately wished he hadn't. He wasn't exactly young anymore, and sleeping sitting up on a couch was not very good for his back. He turned trying to realign his vertebrae, and saw her. Ziva was standing in the kitchen smiling at him as she poured two cups of coffee and set them on the counter.

Tony let out a sigh in relief, and as he did so he felt his whole back crack. At this Ziva laughed "Sleep well Tony?" she asked smiling. Tony walked over to join her in the kitchen. "Best sleep I've had in weeks." He said honestly as he plopped down in the stool across the counter from her. "How about you?" he asked immediately regretting asking it when he saw her face fall. Ziva quickly recovered and gave him a small smile "Me too" she answered quietly. With that she walked around the counter and set down two plates. The smell of the bacon suddenly came back stronger than ever, and he realized how hungry he was. Ziva laughed as she watched him inhale his breakfast, and then proceed to get more. When he sat back down he realized Ziva was staring at him. "What?" he asked between mouthfuls "Is ther somthin wron wif my hair?" This made Ziva laugh. "No Tony, your hair looks… um cute." She said with a grin "I was just trying to figure out how I didn't know you could sing!"

Tony chocked on his food, which sent Ziva into another laughing fit. "I… I … thought you were asleep!" he blurted out. "You were having a nightmare, and I didn't know what to do. You wouldn't respond to me, and I thought shaking you might be a bit much so I did the only other thing I could think of! My mom used to sing to me when I was little and it always helped but of course I couldn't remember a single lullaby at that moment so I just sang the first slow song that popped into my head…" he stopped realizing Ziva had stopped laughing and was now sitting there was an unreadable expression on her face. "Did you mean what you were singing?" she finally asked, her brown eyes searching his face as he spoke.

A little taken aback by her question Tony wasn't sure how to respond. If he said yes he would be admitting to some pretty deep things, but if he said no he would be lying to her. "You know what never mind Tony. That was a stupid question; you probably don't even remember what you said." Tony wanted to head slap himself at her admission. Of course she had realized that he meant something when he said that, why would he even consider lying to her?! Tony sighed and turned so that he was staring deep into her brown eyes. "Yes Ziva, I meant every word" he said, deciding that if he was going to be honest he might as well be completely honest. Ziva smiled and reached forward to cup his cheek with her hand. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Then, I know" she said quietly as she pulled away.

* * *

**AN: Okay so the song that I put in this chapter is a real song. It's called " Be Still" by the Fray. I was in the car and I almost hit the person in front of me when I heard this song. It is insane how much it reminded me of them.**


	8. Chapter 7

**AN: Okay so if it seems like I'm semi-obsessed with pictures it's because at the moment I am. We had an assignment from school to figure out how our parents knew that the other was "the one" and when I asked my mom she told me she knew from a photo. It was one taken at one of my parent's friend's weddings, and there was a group of them in the picture. They were all looking at the camera, expect for my dad, who was looking at my mom. She said that when she saw that photo later he had a look on his face that she had never seen before, and they started to date soon after that. I think that the idea of someone capturing a pivotal moment in your life, which you didn't even know was happening and then being able to look at it again and realize what it meant is amazing! This whole idea will probably show up again, so fair warningJ**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

In the months that followed Tony and Ziva grew even closer together. Tony often went to Ziva's after work armed with a DVD and a change of close, since he knew he would probably end up spending the night. Most nights he slept on her couch, but some nights when her nightmares were really bad he slept in her room with her. He never tried anything that would break rule # 12, just offered his support in the only way he knew how, by not leaving her to go through it alone. But no matter how hard he tried Tony couldn't deny that he was falling deeper and deeper in love with Ziva. He was too worried he would mess up the fragile relationship that they had just managed to repair, so his fear kept his mouth shut for the moment being.

On a chilly Saturday in December they were curled up watching a movie at Ziva's apartment, when Tony suddenly sensed that she was looking at him. "What?" he asked as he turned to face her, lazily propping his head on his arm that rested against the back of the couch. "Nothing" she said with a small smile. Tony gave her a weird look, trying to read her eyes, because as he always said they were the windows to her soul. He could tell she was holding something back, but he had absolutely no idea what it was. "Seriously Zi, what is it?" he asked trying to mask the concern in his voice. "I just realized something that's all" she said still looking at him. "And would you care to share this revelation with me Zee-vah?" Tony asked. "I have never been to your apartment." She said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Tony just stared at her. That was what she was thinking about? He almost laughed, before it dawned on him that it was actually true. "Hmm… well we will have to fix that" he said wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.

* * *

The next day the team sat at their desks counting the seconds as they ticked by. They still did not have a new case, and had finished all their paperwork. Now they were being forced to look through old cold case files until they could leave at 5:00. Tony was suddenly jolted out of his daze when he heard the familiar clomping of 6 inch black platforms coming around the corner. Since it was almost Christmas the usual clomping was now accompanied with the jingling of bells as Abby came to stand despondently in front of McGee's desk. "What's up Abs?" He asked, happy for the unexpected distraction. Tony looked up and immediately noticed something was wrong, because the usually happy Goth was passing quickly in front of Mcgoo's desk. "That's wrong Abby?" Tony asked, as he walked over to stop her passing. "Everything Tony!" she said in a panicked tone. "My brother is going to his mother in laws house this Christmas, since she is sick, which I get is bad and all but how could he just cancel on me with such short notice?! Now I have no plans for Christmas, and I can't spend it alone, and I don't know where else I can go! Palmer has plans with Breena, and Ducky is busy too. What am I going to do?"

Tony sighed. Abby was a lot to deal with on a regular basis, but when she was in a mood like this it was best to let her just get it out of her system before you tried to say anything. He personally didn't like Christmas. Ever since his mother had died it ceased to be filled with anything but terrifying images of his drunken father, itchy suits, and boring parties. Tony was brought out of his unpleasant flash backs when he heard Gibbs say something. " It's DiNozzo's turn to host Christmas isn't it?" "What boss?" Tony said in shock. " How is it my turn!?" "Well let's see DiNozzo. I have had you all over for dinner, Ducky hosted thanksgiving, Abby had a Halloween party, McGee did Easter, Palmer Valentine's day, and Ziva has cooked for all of us on more than one Jewish holiday. That just leaves you, unless you have a reason why none of us can come over to your apartment for a simple dinner?" Tony didn't know how to respond to that. When Gibbs put it like that it really did look pretty bad on his part. He was still trying to figure out what to say when Ziva stepped up and saved his ass. "Oh come on Tony it will be fun. I will come over early and help you cook." "Yay!" Abby squealed, as she ran over to squish Tony and Ziva into one of her infamous hugs. "What have you just gotten us into?" Tony asked as he gasped for breath, but Ziva just laughed.

* * *

It was a few weeks later, and Tony had his apartment just about ready for the party tomorrow. He had gone into storage and dug out all his mother's old Christmas decorations and decorated his apartment. He had even gone out and bought a real Christmas tree to place in the living room next to the piano. And, after he borrowed a few chairs from his neighbor, extended his dining room table, and bought all the groceries that he and Ziva would need to cook for tomorrow he was almost done. The small presents that Tony had bought for the most of his team without much trouble were now laying wrapped nicely under his tree. A new dog collar for Abby, a subscription to some nerdy magazine for McGee, a new psychology book for Ducky, and a program Palmer could download onto his phone that allowed him to translate anything into almost any language imaginable, and he had even managed to find something special for Gibbs, but he couldn't figure out what to get Ziva!

He went to about a million stores, but finally ended up at his local bar completely exhausted, and no closer to knowing what to get her than when he started. Somehow when he left the bar he made the subconscious decision not to go home. It wasn't until he was pulling into Gibb's driveway, and stepping out of the car that he even thought about why he was there. He walked around back, and followed the familiar path to the basement steps. He opened the door and slumped down on one of the top steps. "You need something DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked after he had started at Tony for a good five minutes, and realized he was not going to talk. "I don't know boss." Tony said finally, as he got up and walked down the rest of the stairs.

It was clear to Gibbs that Tony had had more than a few drinks, and that always meant that something was bothering him. "I'm not gonna drag it out of you DiNozzo." He said, knowing from experience that if he waited long enough Tony would tell him, but if he pushed him he would just close back up, and push whatever was bothering him deeper down inside. Tony want sure if it was the alcohol taking, or if it was the look Gibbs was giving him, or the fact that he was utterly exhausted, but something made him realized the real reason he had come to Gibbs. He fidgeted with a tool sitting on Gibbs's work bench. "When did you know you were in love with Shannon?" He blurted out.

Much to his surprise Tony didn't receive the head slap he was expecting. Gibbs looked up at him as a look of pure shock flashed across his usually well masked face. Tony gulped. He hadn't meant to upset Gibbs, and he knew that he shouldn't have brought up his first wife. Gibbs was usually so reserved with his emotions, and although he recovered quickly, in that brief moment Tony had sensed his vulnerability, and it was unnerving. He was so shaken up that he completely forgot Gibbs rules as he uttered an apology." I'm sorry Boss." Tony said quietly. "I shouldn't have asked that." Tony felt a hand suddenly smack the back of his head. " Rule #6 DiNozzo." Tony looked up, and was surprised with what he saw. He had expected Gibbs to look angry, or at least have pulled up another one of his defenses, but he looked more open and contemplative than angry.  
Gibbs turned back to his work, and Tony went back to staring at the strange wood working tools on the table as if they were the most fascinating things in the world. After a few minutes in awkward silence Gibbs said something that Tony never would have expected." I guess I knew when I realized I couldn't live without her." Tony dropped the tool he was holding in shock. He hadn't expected any answer to his question, and sure as hell not that one, but it was what Gibbs said next that really threw him for a loop. "Have you told her Tony?" He asked, looking his senior field agent up and down as he spoke. Tony just stared at him, his mouth open in shock. "Told her what Boss!?" Tony asked, as his heart raced thinking about what his boss was referring to. "Ah! Hell DiNozzo! Have you told her you loved her yet? That you can't live without her?" "Who boss?" Tony asked, knowing full well who his boss was referring to, but needing the confirmation. " Ziva! Unless there is some other girl that you are head over heels for that I have never met!?" Gibbs said clearly exasperated by Tony's sudden stupidity.

Tony just stood there, stunned into silence by Gibbs bluntness. Should he tell Gibbs that he and Ziva had finally talked, that they had been growing closer, but they had never crossed _that _line, no matter how much he wanted to? Or should he just shrug it off and pretend like he had no idea what he was talking about? Gibbs made up his mind for him when he spoke. "Come here DiNozzo. I need to show you something." In the time that Tony had been contemplating his response Gibbs had moved to the other side of his basement and pulled something out of a sually locked drawer. Tony walked cautiously over to where his boss was standing, holding a wooden object in his hands. Just before Tony reached Gibbs he finally remembered how to talk. " How long have you known?" he asked quietly, knowing what he was admitting, but figuring that at this point denial wasn't really on the table. "Why don't you look and see for yourself." Gibbs replied, as he handed Tony the object he had been holding.

Tony looked down in confusion. Gibbs had given him what appeared to be a picture frame. It was a beautiful. Carved from dark wood and it had clearly taken many weeks to make. As tony ran his fingers over the back of the picture frame he realized that Gibbs had carefully carved something into it. He held it up under the light of the work bench, and squinted to read the letters. "Rule #51 sometimes you're wrong. – Gibbs" Tony furrowed his brow in confusion. He had never heard that rule before, so he could tell it was not something that was used often. He turned the picture frame over in his hands, and almost dropped it. On the other side there were more beautiful, intricate carvings, along with more words, but all Tony noticed was the picture. It was of him and Ziva. They were outside somewhere; he was assuming gathering evidence for a case. They were turned facing each other, and Ziva had her head tipped back smiling and laughing obviously at something Tony had just said, because he was also wearing a huge DiNozzo smile. There was something very different about this smile though; it looked genuine. It wasn't his usual deflective smile, or the one he made when someone said something funny. No, it was the smile he only shared with Ziva; the one that told him just how happy he really was in that moment.

He stared at the picture a little longer, and realized how old it actually was. They both looked significantly younger, and more carefree. Ziva had her hair down and curly, in a way she almost never wore it anymore. If Tony had to guess he would have thought that the picture was probably taken a little over a year after they met? Had he really loved her that long and not even known about it? As he moved the picture frame to his other hand so he could get a better look at it he noticed the writing carved on the front of the frame. "You don't waste good, and you _never_ take anything for granted". If Tony didn't know what to say before, now he might as well be mute. He turned to look at his boss, but no words came out of his mouth. After a very long, uncomfortable silence Tony finally spoke. "When was this taken... or rather, where did you get this?"

_Gibbs thought back to when he first found the photo. It had been a few days before they had found out about Michael, and he had gone down to Abby's lab to see what she had regarding their latest case. He had come down to find her hunched over a table looking through photos. He had stopped at the door, wanting to see what she was doing before he disturbed her. She appeared to be going through old evidence; maybe she was looking for something for a case? Or maybe she was double checking the records? He was drawn out of his musings when Abby suddenly stopped leafing through the photos, and just stared at the one in her hand. "Oh my god." She said quietly. Gibbs had taken that as his cue to walk up and talk to her. "What have you got Abs?" he had asked._

_ Abby had jumped about a foot in the air at the sound of his voice; clearly she had not even noticed his presence. "I… um … nothing." She said. "I mean, it's obviously not nothing, because everything is something, but I have nothing for the case, not until my babies speak to me, which they should do any second since you're down here. Unless suddenly your legendary Gibbs senses are off, and you actually came down here for nothing, but I would find that very hard to believe." As Abby continued to ramble on Gibbs had gotten closer so that he could see what she was holding. It appeared to be a photo with two people in it, and as he got closer he realized that those two people were Tony and Ziva. "Let me see that Abs" he had asked quietly. His tone must have scared her, because her eyes got wide and she tried to convince him it was nothing. "Oh this Gibbs? You don't need to see this. It's just some blurry shot McGee must have accidentally taken of Tony and Ziva at a crime scene. No big deal." And he would have believed her, had it not been for the fact that he could tell she was lying. "Abby…" he had said, his voice returning to its usual demanding tone. "Fine." She had said with a pout as she handed him the photo. _

_Gibbs looked down at the photo in his hands in disbelief. He had known for a long time that there was something between Tony and Ziva, but they always swore that they had never broken rule #12 so he hadn't seen much need for concern. Lately something had been different, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but now looking at this photo he realized it had been right under his nose the whole time. Tony had loved her from the moment he met her. The picture was from years ago, and clearly taken without either of them noticing, because their expressions were genuine and not the least bit staged. Gibbs was pretty sure that Tony did not realize that he felt this way about Ziva, or he would have acted on it much sooner knowing him. He told Abby that he needed to keep the photo, handed her the CafPOW! , and left. He had made a mental note to watch his team over the next few weeks to see if he could judge how they felt about each other. The last thing he needed was for Tony to have some stupid, meaningless fling with Ziva just because he wasn't ready to fully cope with his emotions yet. _

_He had tucked the photo away, and forgotten about it until he heard that Ziva was dead. He had seen the look in Tony's eyes, the need for revenge, and he once again wondered if his SFA knew why he felt that way. He had started the picture frame when they had gotten back from Somalia. He hadn't been able to sleep much, and once night after quite a lot of bourbon something had hit him. The time was coming. They weren't going to put off their feelings forever, and at this point he didn't want them too. They both deserved happiness, they deserved each other, and who was he to stand in their way? He had set to work making the picture frame, knowing that one day one of them would come to him, probably Tony, and be looking for his advice or his permission on how to proceed. Now he would be ready. _

"From Abby." Gibbs said. " And I kept it for the same reason that you kept what fits in here." He said as he slowly slid a compartment open on the back of the picture frame, to reveal a space in the shape of the Star of David. Tony dropped the picture frame into Gibbs out stretched hands; as he reached down to grab something. He slowly unclipped his belt and opened the buckle to reveal Ziva's old necklace. He took it out and clicked it into the perfectly shaped hole in the frame. "How did you know I had this?" Tony asked quietly as he turned the frame over in his hands. "Simple." Replied Gibbs. "When we rescued Ziva she wasn't wearing it when you guys brought her back out to the truck. Once you and McGee helped her sit down you told us you had to run back in and get something quickly. I had assumed that you wanted your badge, or your gun that I had seen on my way in, but when you came back with neither of those things I knew it could only mean one thing; you didn't go in there for yourself."

Tony cringed at the memory of him frantically searching for the necklace when he went back in. He had assumed that Saleem had ripped it off her, as a way to literally break so many of her familial and religious ties. Tony had thought that maybe if he found it and gave it to Ziva that she would see that the fact that it had survived meant that she could too. He had been ready to give up when he saw something glint in the sunlight out of the corner of his eye. Walking towards it he picked it up and smiled as he put it in his pocket. Tony had realized once they were back that giving Ziva the necklace back would not help her. She had already replaced it, probably as a way of healing, and starting over. Instead he decided to keep it as a reminder to himself of how close he came to losing her, but the fact that she was still here. He placed it in the empty compartment in his belt along with his spare knife, so that he always had it with him, and he wouldn't accidentally lose it.

"I almost lost her." Tony said quietly, almost as if he was talking to himself. "I know" Gibbs replied in an understanding tone. "That's why I've gotta make an exception, or rather break out a more important rule." "Are you saying that you are okay with the fact that I am probably going to break rule #12?" Tony asked in a serious tone. "No." Gibbs said, as he watched his SFA's face fall. "But I do know what it is like to lose your soul mate." He said quietly. "And I know that I would give anything, and everything to have just one more minute with Shannon, so I cannot condone me continuing to stand in the way of you spending time with yours. I just wanted to make sure you knew that Ziva wasn't going to be some one night stand that you never call again." "I would never do that to her!" Tony almost shouted. "Ziva is different. She has always been… special. I can't believe you would ever think I would do that to her." " I never thought you would Tony, but that girl has been through unimaginable horrors in her life, and I just didn't think she could take another man she trusted breaking her heart." "Break her heart?" Tony interrupted. In order to break someone's heart they have to have feelings for you right? That was always how he thought it worked, but what did that imply about Ziva? "Are you telling me that she feels the same way about me that I do about her?" Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. At that Gibbs just reached over and head slapped him again. "If you need me to answer that then maybe you aren't as ready as I thought you were DiNozzo…" Gibbs said in a mocking tone.

Tony laughed and Gibbs smiled. "Well then, what do I say to her?" Tony asked in bewilderment. "That one you have to figure out on your own Tony, but trust me you will know when the moment is right. You just have to have the guts to actually say what you are thinking instead of just telling some stupid joke." "When have I ever done that?" Tony asked. Gibbs just looked at him and raised his hand to head slap him again, but this time Tony ducked. "Okay so I may have done that a few times… but I won't this time I promise." Gibbs just nodded. Tony turned and headed for the stairs. "Wait!" Gibbs called after him. "You forgot your present." Tony turned on his heels and cocked his head. "What present?" he asked confused. "The picture frame I spent 2 months making DiNozzo." Gibbs said with a chuckle as he handed the frame back to Tony. "Thanks Boss" Tony said as he engulfed Gibbs in a tight hug. "I owe you one". "You owe me a million DiNozzo." Gibbs said with a small laugh as Tony bound up the stairs looking a billion times happier than when he arrived. "So help me God… If you mess this up DiNozzo I'm gonna head slap you until your head spins!" Gibbs said as he returned to sanding his boat.

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**AN 2: I hope you like how this is playing out. I haven't decided how many chapters there will be, but I'm thinking at least 2 more. Any feedback you guys have is always welcome! Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated. **


	9. Chapter 8

**AN: Okay so first off I'm sorry it took me so long to update this… we have had family staying with us, and I haven't had much free time. Secondly I hope you guys like where I'm going with this story. There will be quite a few more sweet Tiva moments coming up, and maybe I'll even sneak in a few McAbby moments … So please keep reading! As always reviews and suggestions are greatly appreciated!**

**Chapter 8**

** Ziva woke up the next morning with a huge smile on her face. She was going to get to spend the day with Tony and the rest of her dysfunctional family. She laughed thinking about how the other holidays had panned out. They usually ended with Abby drunk, and McGee taking her home, Ducky rambling on about a million things no one really cared about, Palmer and Brenna leaving a little tipsy, but blissfully happy in each other's arms. Gibbs even seemed happy and a little more carefree at their "family" gatherings. Ziva's heart started to race when she thought about Tony. They usually shared a few intimate moments around the holidays, and she was looking forward to seeing him, but then it hit her; she was finally going to see his place! She jumped up and slowly started to walk around her room. Why had the realization suddenly made her so nervous? It was not like seeing his place meant anything, or did it? She sunk down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Well at least she had already finished all her shopping. At first she hadn't known what to everyone people for Christmas, but over the years she realized it was just like Hanukah. **

**_This year she had thought for weeks about what she could possibly give Tony. They weren't together, but they were definitely closer, and she knew her usual funny gift wouldn't be good enough. She still hadn't found a gift for him until last weekend. Ziva had been cleaning out her closet, looking for a winter party dress when a box fell off the top shelf and narrowly missed her head. She was bending down to pick it up when she realized what it was. She sank down on the floor and opened it with shaking hands. It was the watch her mother had bought for her father so many years ago. It was a beautiful gold watch, elegant and timeless. Ziva gingerly took it out of the box and slipped it on her wrist like she had done when she was a child. Her mother had given it to her right before she had died telling her that she was to give it to the man she loved, and wanted to spend the rest of her life. At the time Ziva hadn't thought much of it, but now as she held the watch in her hands she couldn't help but think about Tony. _**

**_Over the last seven years, against her will, she had fallen deeply in love with him. She had always been to afraid to tell him how she felt, afraid he didn't feel the same way, and that it would ruin one of the few strong relationships she still had in her life. But lately she had started to pick up on little things that Tony did that told her that maybe she wasn't so crazy for loving him. Of course there was the usual teasing and flirting, but there was also the heartfelt conversation they had about Somalia, and how he held her when she had her nightmares. She sighed and looked at her hands, was he really the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? Could she possibly know without ever actually being with him? As Ziva was contemplating all these things she took the watch back off, and flipped it over. That was when she realized that there was something written on the back. Carved delicately in Hebrew it read "_**אני אוהבת אותך**_"_****_. Ziva dropped the watch. She had forgotten her mother had that message carved into it. It hurt her to know that her father messed up so badly that he never got the chance to receive such a heartfelt and meaningful gift. _**

**_ She thought for a moment, and then decided that her father didn't deserve this gift, but Tony did. Her hands shook as she put it back in the box and wrapped it up. Ziva knew that when she gave it to him she was going to be forced to finally admit the feelings that she had been hiding for years, but suddenly it didn't matter. She was tired of pretending, tired of running, and dancing around the line she and Tony had drawn so long ago._**

** Ziva got up and threw on a t-shirt and some jeans. She grabbed the bag with her dress in it, her shoes, the presents, and headed to her car. She stopped on the way to Tony's to grab coffee and some breakfast, knowing that since they were going to be cooking all day he wouldn't have made any. **

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Tony had woken up early that morning from a particularly interesting dream. He had been dreaming of his father, but it wasn't one of his usual nightmares. _It was from back when his mother was still alive, and it was Christmas morning._ _They were sitting around the tree as Tony tore through his presents. As he was struggling to get his new airplane out of the packaging he saw his father get up and leave the room. He returned a few minutes later carrying a small black box. Tony had looked up at him and his father had just smiled and put his finger to his lips, telling him not to give him away. Tony had smiled back and watched as his father had walked over and sat down next to his mother and given her the black box he was holding. His mother had been shocked, and she gasped when she opened it and pulled out a beautiful silver bracelet. It gleamed in the lights from the tree, and Tony could just make out that it was made out of little silver hearts linked together. His father had said that it symbolized love and family, and his mother had said it was beautiful. _

That morning Tony had jumped up from his bed and ran down the hallway to the hall closet. He pulled out a box that he kept up on the top shelf. He dug around for a few minutes until he found the bracelet. He took it out and looked at it. He remembered how his mother had given it to him just before she died. She had told him to think of love, and family whenever he looked at it. Tony smiled as he counted the hearts on the bracelet and realized that there were seven. He couldn't help but think of Ziva. Seven was their number. He had known her and for seven years, known he loved her for just over seven months (even though he had unconsciously loved her for much longer), there were seven members in their dysfunctional family, and there were seven words he knew how to say in Hebrew. He smiled. He now had a gift for everyone on his list.

Tony got up, made his bed, and went around tidying up the house. He was just finishing vacuuming the hallway when he heard a knock on his door. He turned the vacuum off, put it back in the closet, and went to answer the door. He was greeted by a smiling Ziva who was carrying far too many things at once. "Let me help you with some of that." He said adamantly as he reached for her dress, and the bag of food in her hand. "Thank you" She replied, as she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with her now freed hand. Tony gestured for her to come in when he realized that she was still standing in the door way staring at him. "Come on" he said jokingly "I don't bite."

**Ziva laughed and followed him into the kitchen. She took note of how nicely Tony had decorated everything. Her eyes scanned around the living room and came to rest on the piano in to corner by the tree. "I forgot that you played the piano" she said quietly, remembering how he had mentioned it to her once when they were trapped in a box at a shipping dock. " Do you still play?" She asked, flashing him one of her sweetest smiles. "Sometimes." Tony replied almost absent mindedly. "Are you any good?" Ziva asked, remembering the weird answer he had given her the first time she asked him this so long ago. "I don't really know. I haven't played in front of anyone since Wendy and I broke up." He said with a sheepish shrug. Ziva just stood there in silence. She wasn't sure what to say to that. "Oh…" She said quietly, "I didn't… I mean I um…" "It's fine" Tony said, giving her a kind smile. Ziva smiled and turned to set her things down on the counter. "So where do we begin?" she said with a laugh as she noticed all the food spread out on the counters.**

Tony spent the rest of the day cooking with Ziva in the kitchen. They made pies, mashed potatoes, and many dishes of seafood (typical for the Italian Feast of the Seven Fishes). Tony also demonstrated his secret cooking skills when he taught her how to make dishes with his families Old Italian recipes. Tony hadn't eaten, let alone cooked these things since he was a child, so he was grateful Ziva was there to help him. He enjoyed having Ziva teach him how to make traditional Jewish food. She made traditional potato pancakes, and Latkes. After hours off cooking, and with everything finally done it was time for them to get dressed for the party. "Do you want to grab a quick shower?" Tony asked as he eyed Ziva, who was covered in flour and various other ingredients. "I think that might be best." She said laughing as she looked down and her messy clothes. "Okay follow me" Tony said as he guided her down the hallway. They walked into his room, and Ziva stopped. Tony continued into the bathroom, and it wasn't until he turned around that he realized she wasn't behind him anymore.

** Ziva was standing frozen in the middle of Tony's room with a quizzical look on her face. She was trying to commit her surroundings to memory when she noticed his bed. It was small, only a Twin bed, which she thought was odd, considering Tony wasn't exactly small. "Oh…" Tony said awkwardly as he ran his hand threw his hair nervously. "Yea this is my room… um not much to look at… the bathroom is just through here." Ziva snapped out of her daze and followed him into the bathroom. He continued to ramble on about where everything was, and how to work the shower. She could tell he was nervous, he always talked too much when he was nervous. Finally she decided to take pity on him and stop his incessant rambling. Ziva raised her hand and laid it softly across Tony's mouth, effectively silencing him. "Thank you Tony, I should be just fine now." "Okay." Tony replied, as Ziva removed her hand. "If you need anything just ask." He turned to walk away when Ziva reached out to stop him. "I actually have one thing I want to ask you" she said smiling. "Shoot" Tony said nervously. "How do you have so many women over with such a small bed?" she asked, with a curious expression on her face. Tony looked down at the floor, and brought his hand back up to his hair "I… well… you're actually the first woman I've ever brought home." **

**Ziva was stunned. This wasn't right. Tony was with a different girl every week, always coming in and bragging about his newest conquest. How the hell could he not have brought any of them home?! "You are kidding right?" Ziva asked as she cocked her head to look at him. She immediately regretted her words when she saw the look on his face. "No. I'm 100% serious. I have never brought a woman back here. We always go back to her place, that way no one over stays their welcome, or oversteps boundaries." "Oh." Ziva said quietly, unsure of what to say. She knew he had commitment issues, but she didn't realize they were this bad… She was still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that she was the first woman he trusted enough to let into his house when she heard him talking again. "I haven't gone home with anyone in a while though." Tony said honestly, finally looking at her. "I've been a little busy with someone more important", and with that he left Ziva to shower in peace. **

* * *

Tony walked out of the bathroom, and pulled the door closed behind him. He leaned back against it and tried to calm down. Ziva was the first woman he had ever brought home, and for some reason he was just realizing the significance of that fact. He sighed and stole one last look at the bathroom before he walked into his closet to grab his suit. He didn't need a shower, he would just go rinse off his face, and put on nicer clothes. He was ready and sitting on the couch when Ziva came out of his room. She had changed into a simple red dress. It was a one shoulder number, which hugged her curves in just the right places, before it flowed away from her body at her hips and continued to just above her knees. Tony opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. "What?" she asked, looking down at the dress "Is there something wrong with me?" Tony snapped out of his day dream about how to get Ziva out of that dress and calmly replied "No. You look…you are beautiful." At that she smiled. "Thank you. You don't clean up so bad yourself". Tony smiled back. "Thank you. They should be here any minute, can I get you something to drink? I say that we deserve it. Everything looks amazing." "Sure, I'd love a glass of wine" she replied as she slid onto one of the bar stools along the island. "Coming right up." Tony said as he turned to go find a nice bottle.

**The doorbell rang, and since Tony was still looking for wine glasses Ziva rose to answer it. It was Abby and McGee. Ziva smiled as she opened the door and was immediately engulfed in a deadly hug. "Merry Christmas Ziva!" Abby shouted excitedly. "You look beautiful. And it smells amazing in here. Are you exhausted from cooking all day? I would have gladly come over and helped! I'm sure you're about ready to kill Tony. Was he under your feet all day?" Abby continued to ramble on as Tony came out of the kitchen and took everyone's coats and tucked them in the hall closet. "Hey! Have a little faith Abby." Tony said jokingly. "I'm an excellent cook." At that McGee and Abby both turned to look at him. "But I thought you were the king of take out Tony." McGee said questioningly. "Yea" Abby replied. "I've never seen you do more than microwave something". "Ouch!" Tony said clutching his heart as if he was mortally wounded. "You guys are harsh! Just because I ****_don't_**** cook doesn't mean I ****_can't_**** cook. Right Zee-vah? I thought me made an excellent team today." "So did I." Ziva said with a smile. "I was very impressed with Tony's cooking abilities, although he did use salt instead of sugar in the first batch of cookies we made." She said laughing. "I thought we weren't going to tell anyone about that!" Tony said with a mock angry tone. Ziva just smiled and continued into the living room with Abby. **

A couple of hours later everyone had arrived and they had enjoyed a wonderful holiday meal. Now everyone was sitting contently in Tony's living room as he and Ziva sat at the piano. He was playing "Let it snow" and Palmer and Brenna were singing along, when Ziva set next to him and began to sing as well. By the end of the song everyone had joined in, and Ziva had scooted closer to Tony so that now she was only inches away from him. "You are very good." She whispered in his ear. "Although I liked the other song you sang to me better." Tony looked down at her and smiled. In that moment there was nowhere in the world he would rather be, and no one he would rather be with. "What song should I play next?" he asked, looking around the room. "Baby its cold outside!" Abby almost shouted. "What?" She asked with a shrug when everyone looked at her and laughed. "It has always been one of my favorites." "Baby its cold outside it is." Tony said as he started to play. Ziva began to sing, and he joined in, and slowly everyone else did too.

* * *

Ducky and Gibbs were leaning against the island in the kitchen looking at the younger members of their family. "You know Jethro" Ducky said lightly. "You might have to abolish one of your rules." "Oh really duck?" Gibbs said laughing. "Which one would that be?" "I think you know exactly which one I'm talking about" Ducky replied, as he pointed to Ziva and Tony who were now seated together at the piano. "I already took care of that Duck" Gibbs said quietly. "Really?" Ducky said giving him a skeptical look. "Did you use actual words, because this isn't exactly the type of thing someone wants to try and have to interpret? They just want a yes or no. A blessing or a refusal. Which did you give him?" Ducky asked knowing that Tony would have been the one to talk to Gibbs. "Blessing." Gibbs said contently. "I broke out a few more important rules." "Which ones would they be?" Ducky asked, very curious at what made Gibbs change his mind after all these years. "Rule 5, rule 8, and most importantly rule 51". "Ah" Ducky said, a smile creeping on to his face. "Sometimes you're wrong. I was never quite sure if that one applied to you, but I'm glad it does, because it's a lot of pressure to always have to be right." He said with a wink as he walked over to talk to McGee.

Unbeknownst to everyone else Abby walked back over to the door, and took her camera out of her bag. She wanted to take a picture to remember how happy everyone looked gathered around Tony's piano. She snapped the picture, and took it out waiting for it to develop. When the picture started to become clear Abby broke into a huge grin. Gibbs came over to see what she was looking at and when he saw it he smiled too. "You should leave that for them." He told her quietly. "I was thinking the same thing" Abby said with devilish grin. "Maybe they will finally realize what is right in front of their faces when they see it." Gibbs laughed. "Maybe, it can't hurt."They looked up just in time to see everyone singing the last few lines of the song.

Gibbs smiled, he loved it when his family was together and this happy, but it was getting late, and he decided it was time for him to politely bow out. He said his goodbye's and was closely followed by Palmer, Brenna, and Ducky. Abby and McGee lingered a little longer after they left, and when Tony and Ziva ducked into the kitchen to grab the pan Abby had brought, Abby saw her chance to go and place the picture on the piano. "What are you doing?" McGee asked in a whisper as he followed her over to the piano. "Look at this picture I took." She said as she handed it to him. McGee looked down. It was moments like these that he was forced to see how perfect Tony and Ziva really were for each other. Part of him didn't want them together, because he was worried it would mess up their team dynamic, but the other big brother part just wanted them to be happy. And looking at the picture he could tell that they were only ever going to be happy with each other.

He smiled. "You gonna leave it for them Abs?" "Yup!" she said grinning as she took it back and set it down on the piano. "Good. Now come on Ab I'll take you home." McGee said as he held out his arm for her to grab onto. "Thank you Timmy." She said as he took his arm and he led her towards the door. Ziva came out of the kitchen holding Abby's clean pan, and Tony grabbed their jackets. "Merry Christmas." He said as he kissed her cheek. "Thank you for making me do this. You were right. It was good." "No thank you Tony." Abby said earnestly. "It was perfect." Tony smiled and stepped back, nodding goodbye to McGee. "Take care of her McGoo." "I will, Merry Christmas Tony." Ziva walked over and handed Abby her pan. "Thank you for coming Abby, Merry Christmas." "Merry Christmas Ziva!" Abby said as she hugged her tightly. "I left something for you on the piano, make sure you look at it after we leave." And with that she pulled McGee out of the apartment.

* * *

**Ziva looked at Tony who was smiling contently down at her. "I think that went well yes?" she asked. "It was amazing." Tony said honestly. "And I couldn't have pulled it off without you. Please stay for a little while and watch "White Christmas" with me. It's the one thing I never got to do this year that I always do." Ziva smiled. "Sure Tony. You put the movie in." They walked back over towards the couch, and as Tony searched for the DVD Ziva walked over towards the piano, curious to see what Abby had been talking about. **

**If she hadn't been told to look she definitely would have missed it. There was a picture propped up against the frame of an old picture, which Ziva assumed was of Tony and his mother. She reached out and picked up the photo Abby had taken, unable to contain her smile when she realized it was from earlier that night. In the picture you could see Palmer standing with Brenna in his arms as they looked towards the piano and sang. Tony was playing something, with Ziva sitting very close to him. Ziva had her eyes closed and a happy smile on her face, much like the one she had now. Just as she was about to set down the photo she noticed Tony's expression. He was looking right at her, with a look on his face that she had never seen before. Ziva stared at the picture, trying desperately to decode what was hidden behind his hazel eyes. Finally accepting defeat she turned to face Tony, who had just popped in the disk and was trying to get the movie to play. Ziva walked over to him and put her hand down on the remote, instantly catching his attention. "What were you thinking about in this picture?" Ziva asked, unable to contain her curiosity any longer.**

Tony looked down and took at photo from her hands. He broke into a wide grin when he realized Abby had managed to capture such a nice photo. He slowly drew his eyes up to his face in the picture, and as he studied his expression his heart started to race. Before he could think up a believable lie, or a distracting allusion to some movie, the truth slipped out. "I was wishing they would all leave." He said quietly. Ziva looked at him clearly confused, and a little hurt. "You don't want me here?" She asked sadly. "I thought you seemed so happy tonight". "That's not what I meant" Tony replied. "Then I do not understand" Ziva said, clearly hurt and getting annoyed. "You didn't let me finish" Tony said as his mouth slowly crept into a smile. "I wanted them to leave because in that moment I wanted nothing more than to do this." Before either one of them had time to react, or think about what they were doing Tony had put his hand around her waist and pulled her so that their lips were just inches apart. They could feel each other's hearts beating rapidly, and the quick rising and falling of their chests. Tony stared intently in her eyes for a moment looking for any indication that she wanted him I stop, instead he found something much like the look he had when the photo was taken. That was all it took for Tony to close the gap.

**He kissed her with so much love and tenderness that Ziva could have cried. It wasn't forceful or lusting, like the kiss they shared together all those years ago undercover. This one was fueled by love and passion. It was by far the best and most meaningful kiss she had ever received. It was so different from how she was used to being kissed. Most men she had dated hadn't really cared how she felt, and kisses were always hot and passionate, not loving and gentle. If she had any lingering doubts about how Tony really felt about her they vanished the moment his lips met hers. When they finally pulled away Tony rested his forehead on hers and looked down into her beautiful brown eyes. She was smiling up at him and made no move to pull away. Finally Tony broke the silence. "I showed you what I was thinking about in that photo, so do you want to tell me what was making you smile like that?" He asked looking down at her expectantly. Ziva broke into a huge grin, remembering exactly what she had been thinking of. She looked up at him and quietly said "I was imagining something more like this." **


	10. Chapter 9

**AN: Hey everyone! So here is another chapter as promised. Sorry it took so long. I have been ridiculously busy! I hope you like where I'm going with this, I intend to add more chapters in the near future, so make sure you add it to your story alerts! Also this chapter is definitely T**

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**Ziva reached up and laced her hands together at the base of Tony's neck as she pulled his lips back down to meet hers in a passionate kiss. Surprised by the sudden contact it took Tony a minute before he brought his own hands up to cup her face, deepening the kiss. Ziva walked backwards until she was pressed against the wall, and wrapped her arms around Tony's neck again, needing to be as close to him as possible. Finally, completely out of breath Tony pulled away and began to kiss down Ziva's neck. She let out a soft moan, her heart racing and her breaths short and ragged. As he moved, so his thigh was between her legs she let out another soft moan: "Tony…"**

Tony felt his whole body tense. He had imagined her saying his name like that for as long as he could remember. It was spoken in a raw, hoarse voice full of nothing but lust. He couldn't help but smile as he laid another kiss on her rapidly beating pulse point. " Ziva?..." he responded in a very similar tone. There was a gasp as he brought his leg up higher, and he broke into a grin as he looked up and saw the look on her face. Ziva leaned up and kissed him again, her tongue barely hit his lips before their tongues were battling for control. Tony couldn't help but think about how easy and natural it felt to be with her like this. It was as if they were two parts of one whole; they just fit together so perfectly.

**Ziva slid her hands down over Tony's shoulders and slowly pushed his jacket off onto the floor, as he ran his hand up her leg. She moaned into his mouth as he leaned closer to her, hitting just the right spot between her legs. Her dress was now up high enough on her thighs to reveal her black lace thong and she felt Tony harden as his hands came to rest on her hips. She pulled back so their lips were still touching and croaked "bedroom". Tony merely grunted in response and slid his hands down to cup her butt. Ziva wrapped her legs around him and let him carry her to his bedroom. He set her down on the edge of the bed and looked down at her smiling. She pulled him closer and began to unbutton his shirt at an agonizingly slow pace, kissing the newly revealed bare skin on his chest as she went down. "Ziva…" Tony said in a strained voice. "Shhhh… Patience my little hairy butt" She replied with a smile as she undid the last button and slid his shirt off onto the floor. Then, Ziva kissed the spot right above where his pants started and she could see the contour of his muscles that led down to his now throbbing man hood. She smiled and stood up. **

Tony couldn't take it anymore he pulled her back into another earth shattering kiss, needing to feel her touch more than he needed to breathe. He ran his hands up her back, along her spine until he got to the top of the zipper on her dress. Tony stopped kissing her for a moment; looking down at her silently asking if it was ok to remove her dress. Ziva just smiled and said "Off. Now." As she kissed him again. Tony was happy to oblige, as he unzipped the zipper and brought his hands back up to Ziva's shoulders. She stepped back and he pushed the dress off her in one fluid motion, now revealing her black lace strapless bra. Ziva leaned into him and began to trail kisses down his neck, on to his stomach as he wound his hands through her curly hair. He moaned again as she got to the spot above his pants. She looked up at him and smiled as she undid them and let them fall to the floor. In one fluid motion Tony pulled her up, stepped out of his pants and pushed her back up against the bed. "You're so beautiful" he whispered as he began to trail kisses down her now partially exposed breasts and stomach.

**Ziva pulled him down so that he was lying on top of her as he came back up to kiss her lips. She pulled his hands up so that they were resting on her sides just below her bra, wanting desperately for him to take it off. He made no move to remove it, and instead she felt his hands tense around her ribs, as if he didn't know what to do. Just as Ziva was about to panic she remembered how he had waited for her permission to remove her dress. Reaching down she put her hands over top of his and pulled them around her so that he was hugging her with his hands resting on her bra clasp. He looked down at her, making sure she was ok with what he was doing. Ziva couldn't figure out why he was being so slow, and so careful. It was almost as if he thought he was going to break her. She was brought back from her thoughts as she heard the clasp unclick. She lifted her back up a little so he could pull it out from under her. Her breath hitched when she felt the cold hitting her nipples for the first time, followed by the warmth brought by Tony's kisses. **

**As she let out another shaky breath Ziva felt him pull back. She reached up and put her hand behind his head, forcing him to look at her. She searched his face, and looked deeply into his eyes, trying to find out what was wrong with him. "I didn't mean to hurt you" he whispered, the fear evident in his shaking voice. Ziva cocked her head, why did he think he was going to hurt her? Had she done something wrong? This was not normal for him. Surely he had been with millions of weaker women, that hadn't been through nearly as much as she had, why would he think he was going to hurt ****_her _****of all people? Then it hit her. It was because of what she had been trough that he was afraid. She had told him about being raped in Somalia, and he was afraid that having sex was going to hurt her. She was touched that he cared so much. The fact that he was being so slow and careful showed her just how much he really did love and respect her. Smiling she put her thumb under his chin, turning his face back to hers. Cupping the sides of his face she brought his lips back down to hers, so he was only a few centimeters above her. "You did not hurt me Tony." "But you…" Tony said, unable to finish his thought. Ziva cheeks blushed at the memory. "That wasn't because it hurt Tony…" She said quietly, looking sheepishly into his eyes. "Oh." He said, blushing slightly himself when he realized what she meant. "I know you will not hurt me, so please do not ever be afraid to touch** **me or to kiss me because I want it as much as you do. And need it even more." Ziva said with a smile. **

That was all Tony needed to hear, before he closed the now almost nonexistent gap and kissed her. He slid her under wear off absentmindedly as she tugged at his boxers. As his hand brushed against her folds she moaned into his mouth. He couldn't believe how wet she was. Smiling at the fact that it was him who was having this effect on her he trailed hot quick kisses down her neck, stopping to suck on her pulse point. He hardened even more when he felt Ziva cup him through his boxers. He growled uncontrollably against her neck and he felt her pulse quicken. She slid his boxers off to reveal just how much he really wanted her. Just as he was about to enter her he thought of something. He slowed down their now intense kiss and brought his lips down to kiss the scar on her shoulder. Then he moved down and kissed all the scars on her chest, her ribs, her stomach, her hips, and finally right above her pelvis. Then he pulled back and looked up at her.

**At first she was confused as to why Tony was slowing down all of the sudden, when he was obviously as turned on as she was. She didn't even register him kissing her shoulder, and she didn't think much of it when his kissed her breasts multiple times, after all that was normal. But, once he started to trail kisses along her ribs, she realized he was doing something that was much more meaningful than kissing her; he was kissing her scars. Tony was showing her that he loved her, all of her. Fighting to hold back tears as he continued down her body she couldn't help but be amazed at the kindness that Tony was showing her. She never would have expected that it was possible to feel this loved or cherished when having sex. Looking down at him as he kissed the marks on her hips it dawned on her; she wasn't having sex, no for the first time in her life she was making love. As he finished kissing the scars along her pelvis he looked up at her. By now hot silent tears were running down her face, she couldn't stop them no matter how hard she tried. **

Tony looked up at saw her silently crying. Remembering what she said about not being afraid to touch or to kiss her he decided to take a chance; he sat back up and leaned down so his face was once again inches from hers and kissed her. No roughly or passionately like their more recent kisses had been, but tenderly and full of love; trying to show her it was going to be ok. He felt more hot tears streaming down her face and hitting his cheeks, and he turned his face so that he could kiss them away. As he moved to kiss the last tear away on her right cheek Ziva brought her hands up to his hair and turned him to look back at her. "Make love to me Tony." She said in a voice barely over a whisper. Tony smiled and covered her mouth in another earth shattering kiss as he entered her, waiting a moment to let her adjust to him before he moved again.

**Ziva moaned into Tony's mouth when he finally entered her. He began slowly rhythmically rocking back and forth as he trailed kisses down her body again. Letting out another shaky breath, she caught his beautiful hazel eyes. She couldn't ever remember seeing them so dark with desire. She smiled and then gasped as he moved again. Tony looked up at her and quietly asked "Promise you will tell me if I'm hurting you?" Ziva smiled, pulling his face back up to hers "You could never hurt me Tony. I can honestly say I have never felt more right than I do right now". And with that she flipped them over and looked down at Tony who was now staring up at her with wide eyes, the surprise evident all over his face. "What?" Ziva asked with fake innocence as she flipped her long curly hair over her shoulder, leaning down to kiss him again. "I told you I prefer it on top."**

* * *

As Tony slowly rubbed his eyes he became very aware of the fact that there was someone on top of him. He opened his eyes and smiled, chuckling softly to himself when he saw how Ziva was laying precariously on top of him. She was lying with her face on his chest, her wild hair cascading over her shoulders, and spilling onto his bare chest. Her arm was wrapped protectively around his side and her legs were wrapped up in his, with his arm slung over her back holding her closer to him. Tony couldn't remember ever waking up and feeling this content. He could just lie in bed in this position for the rest of his life and he would be happy. "Merry Christmas Ziva" he whispered as he dropped a kiss into her hair. Leaning back he closed his eyes and his thoughts drifted back to Paris. They had woken up in a similar position then (except the fact that they were fully clothed), and he had sat there and stared at her until she woke up. He remembered thinking that if he died right then he would die a happy man, knowing he got to wake up with her on top of him like that. He had made a promise to himself then that he would do whatever it took so that he could wake up like that every day for the rest of his life, but it wasn't until now that he was starting to come through on that promise. When she had finally woken up she sat up and rubbed her eyes and looked over at him "How did we end up like this DiNozzo?" She had teased "Now I know why you wanted one room". And with that she had gotten up and headed to the bathroom to shower. Since they had never talked about it Tony was never sure if it meant anything to her, but it had definitely meant something to him. Now, Tony looked down at the beautiful, naked woman lying on top of him. He would never have guessed that his wildest dreams would become a reality on Christmas no less. Tony was brought back from his musings when he felt Ziva shift under his arm.

**"Merry Christmas to you too Tony" she said as she looked up at gently kissed his lips. "Oh, so you weren't asleep" Tony replied with arched eyebrows as he gave her a few more chaste kisses. "No. I wasn't, I just wanted to lie there in your arms a little longer." She sat with a sheepish smile, moving to sit up, but Tony pulled her back down. Ziva let out a surprised gasp as his lips met her in a passionate kiss. "I was thinking the same thing." He whispered against her lips when he finally pulled away. Ziva looked into his eyes and smiled. "Just like Paris" she said absentmindedly. "You got right up when you woke up in Paris?" Tony said in a confused tone. "Not exactly" Ziva replied with a grin. "I woke up even before you did, and when I saw how we were lying there tangled up in each other I couldn't bring myself to move. I could deny how I felt about you all I wanted, but subconsciously there was nothing I could do about it, and it made me so happy to know that you hadn't pulled away from me in the night that I didn't dare move once I was awake." Tony looked down at her and laughed. "What is so funny?" she said brushing his unruly hair out of his face. "I was thinking the same thing." He said still laughing. "I was so happy that you moved like that during the night, and I didn't want to move you. I just lay there for a while enjoying feeling you lay so close to me. But after a while I realized that it would be a problem if you didn't wake up soon…." Tony trailed off. This time it was Ziva's turn to laugh. "I was awake the whole time Tony." She said trying to make him understand why she was laughing, but he just looked at her, as confused as ever. "I… um… felt your let's say morning reaction, and that's why I finally jumped out of bed so quickly and headed straight for the shower so you wouldn't come talk to me." **

Tony blushed, finally realizing what Ziva was talking about. "Why didn't you want me to talk to you?" He asked, still not grasping that part. "Do you remember anything off about when you went into the bathroom after me?" she asked, hoping she wouldn't have to just come out and say what she had been thinking. "Um…" Tony trailed off again trying to remember anything that would have been different when he went to use the bathroom. It was much more difficult than it should have been though, because Ziva had occupied all of his thoughts that morning and he couldn't remember much about anything else. "Let's see. I went to the bathroom, and then I turned the shower on, and stepped in. I jumped back because the tiles were so cold... and then I squinted to try and figure out which bottle was the shampoo. Wait the tiles… you took a shower right before me, the only way the tiles would have been that cold was if you took an ice cold shower…." Trailing off again he looked to find Ziva hiding her embarrassed smile behind her hair. "I wanted you just as much as you wanted me, but I was too scared to act on it." she said with a shrug. "I had to take a _really_ cold shower, because if I kept thinking about what I was I would have finally acted on it, and then we would have gotten no work done." Ziva said with a wink. "Oh, and just what were you thinking of Miss David" Tony said with a devilish grin as his body once again began to react with excitement. Ziva laughed again, and moved so she was sitting on top of Tony again, straddling him between her legs. "Something like this…" she said as she flipped her hair over her shoulders and heard Tony's breath hitch as she trailed her tongue down his stomach.

* * *

When Tony and Ziva finally got out of bed that morning it was around noon. Ziva walked into the bathroom to shower, and came out in his dress shirt from last night. Tony couldn't help but smile, she looked so sexy wearing nothing but his shirt as she entered the kitchen. "The shower is all yours" she said as she leaned in to kiss him lightly. "Thanks Sweetcheeks." Tony replied as he jumped up and headed for the shower. He took his time showering and getting dressed, and when he finally reemerged he saw Ziva was cooking something with her back turned to him. He smiled, remembering the last time she had made breakfast for him. "Whatcha making?" he called as he slid up behind her. "Pancakes." She said with a shrug. "You have no food in this apartment! What do you eat for breakfast when I'm not here?!" "Um… cereal?" Tony replied as he thought about what his refrigerator must look like. He rarely cooked, and when he did it was usually something simple that he bought the ingredients specifically for. "Well we will have to fix that." Ziva said with a wink. Tony chuckled and reached for one of the already cooked pancakes, but Ziva swatted his hand way. "Patience my little hairy butt!" she said laughing as he jumped back. "Would you do me a favor?"Ziva asked turning back to the pancakes. "Sure, what do you need?" Tony said already moving towards the other side of the island. "Can you find my phone for me? I can hear it beeping but I do not know where I left it last night."

**"Sure thing Zi." Tony said as he walked over to look on the table by the front door. After a good ten minutes of searching he ended up finding it in her pants pocket from when she changed from the party. "Found it!" He yelled triumphantly as he ran back towards the kitchen. Ziva had set the table for two and was sitting down a plate stacked high with piping hot pancakes. "Toda Tony." She said as she reached to grab her phone. "Hmmmm who keeps texting me?" she said looking at her blinking phone. She had 5 new messages. She clicked on the first one and saw it was from Abby "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" it read. Ziva laughed and clicked on the second one. This one was from Palmer "Merry Christmas! Thank you so much for the delicious dinner yesterday. Breena and I loved it!" Ziva smiled and noticed Tony was staring at her. "You should check your phone too." She said. "I have a bunch of messages wishing me a Happy Christmas." "Its Merry Christmas Ziva." Tony said as he rose to go get his phone from the nightstand. **

** "That is what I said." Ziva mumbled as she clicked on the 3****rd**** message. It was from Ducky. "Thank you for the delightful evening darling. The food was wonderful, and I hope you have a Merry Christmas." Ziva was just clicking on the fourth message when Tony returned. "I got one from just about everyone" he said with a smile. "Oh?" she looked up inquisitively "Who did not send you one?" "Gibbs. And you but that doesn't count since you are here. And Gibbs doesn't really count either, since I never get one from him."Tony replied with a shrug. At that Ziva laughed and looked back down at her phone, reading McGee's message. "Merry Christmas Ziva! See you on Monday!" Only one more she thought, wondering who it could be, considering everyone else had already wished her a ****Happy ****Merry Christmas. Reading it Ziva broke into a grin that caused Tony to come and look over her shoulder to see what was making her smile so much. The message was from Abby and it read "I almost forgot I wanted to know how you liked the surprise I left you. Gibbs and McGee both agreed that I should leave it for you! I hope that you finally figured out what was right in front of your face, or I'm going to have Gibbs head slap you both very hard on Monday!" **

At that it was Tony's turn to smile. Of course Abby had left that picture for them, knowing full well what it would lead too. "What are you going to say to that?" Tony asked as he sat down to enjoy his pancakes. "I simply said that I appreciated her gift, and I think that you did too? I felt that was the truth, yes?" She replied with a sly smile. "Yes I appreciated it very much!" Tony said as he leaned across the table to kiss her. "This is by far the best Christmas I've ever had Ziva." "Me too Tony." Ziva said as she kissed him again. "Now eat your pancakes before they get cold." She said as she pushed him back towards his chair. "Yes ma'am!"

* * *

An hour and many pancakes later Tony and Ziva sat in content silence watching the snow fall out the window. It really had turned out to be the perfect Christmas, and both were content to just lie there in each other's arms and watch the snow falling behind the Christmas tree. Finally Ziva broke the silence, and turned so that she was looking at Tony. "Christmas is like Hanukkah yes?" She asked looking up at him with her big brown eye. "Yes…" Tony replied, unsure of where she was going with this. "So it is all about being with your family?" "Yes" Tony said with a smile as he kissed her forehead, "Why?" "Well…" Ziva said. "I could not help but think about what the rest of our family is doing right now. And I realized that Abby is probably with McGee, Ducky is with his mother, Breena is with Palmer, Vance is with his family, but…" She trailed off as he turned to once again look at the glowing Christmas tree. "But Gibbs is alone?" Tony finished for her, completely able to read her train of thought. "Yes "She said with a sigh as she leaned back against his chest. "What do you think he is doing right now?" "Well." Tony said contemplating what his boss could possibly be doing on Christmas night. "He is probably in his basement drinking bourbon, maybe even talking to Fornell, unless Fornell is with his daughter, then I bet Gibbs is working on some new project." "But he should not be alone on Christmas." She said with another sad sigh. "Okay" Tony said as he sat up and began to move out from under her. "Where are you going?!" Ziva asked in alarm. "I'm going to get our coats. Let's go see Gibbs."

* * *

Driving to Gibb's would have been impossible since there was a good foot of snow covering the ground now, with more still steadily falling, so Ziva suggested they walk. Tony was apprehensive at first, considering it was at least three miles to Gibbs house, but after Ziva looked up at him with those puppy eyes and pleaded he knew fighting was useless and he let her drag him out into the snow. They walked contently hand in hand laughing and talking about nothing and everything as the snow continued to fall around them. Halfway through their walk they passed a now deserted park; the only thing in it was the beautifully decorated Christmas tree light up with multi-colored lights that reflected off the snow. Tony suddenly felt the urge to do something. And he looked down at Ziva. "Will you dance with me?" he asked.

**Ziva looked up at him confused. "There is no music…" she said, but she couldn't finish her thought because Tony had swept her off her feet and was carrying her towards the Christmas tree. "Please?" he asked sticking out his lip and blinking his snow covered eye lashes. Ziva laughed and put her arms around his neck. "Only because you asked so nicely" she said smiling up at him. Tony looked down and put his arms around her waist. They stood there for a while, slow dancing back and forth to imaginary music, looking lovingly into each other's eyes. After a while Tony broke away and took her hand again as they headed back in the direction of Gibbs house. Just before they got to Gibb's street Ziva stopped and looked up at Tony under the street lamp. He looked like he was glowing as the light bounced off the snow that covered his body. "Does snow count?" she asked quietly, still looking into his eyes. "Count for what Ziva?" he asked confused, as he searched her face to try and figure out what she was talking about. "Does snow count as spontaneous dancing in the rain?" Tony looked down at her for another minute still confused, but slowly it dawned on him, and an unmistakable grin spread across his face. "You mean as one of the big three?" he smiled. "Yes." She said simply. Tony couldn't help but laugh. "I think that it just might." As he leaned down to kiss her. When they broke away he couldn't resist adding, "But we can always ask Gibbs". And with that he took off running in the direction of their boss's house, leaving Ziva to catch up. **


	11. Chapter 10

**AN: Hey guys sorry this took soooooo long to update! They changed our entire finals schedule and extended the school year because of weather-days that we had off, so I had to take 7 finals in 3 days (while still going to school) so that I could go on my vacation. And then two of my four cats had to be put to sleep in 24 hours, which was really sad! And then I was on vacation and I didn't have my computer! So it has been kinda crazy couple of weeks….**

** On a happier note I did really well on my finals! Thank God! And I hope that this chapter was worth the wait, and as always please favorite and review! :)**

* * *

**When Ziva finally got to Gibb's Tony was waiting for her. He was leaning against the front door with his hands in his pockets smiling. "What took you so long Sweetcheeks?" Tony asked with a smirk. Ziva just rolled her eyes. She had let him get ahead of her because she needed a minute to think. Watching him run off towards Gibb's house had made her think about her future. Maybe someday he would be running to get home to her. She smiled and slowly started to walk towards Gibb's, wondering if Tony was really going to ask him about "The big three". Ziva knew they would have to tell their boss eventually, considering they were breaking one of his rules, but she wasn't sure she was ready yet. Not wanting to lose the only dad she had ever really had, she was apprehensive about telling him for fear that she would lose his trust. When he accused her after she came back from Somalia it was one of the worst moments of her life. It hurt more than the torture ever could have, because it broke her very fragile heart. She sighed, and was suddenly very concerned Tony was going to jump the gun and get them both fired she broke into a sprint and was on the porch in a matter of seconds. "I was thinking." She said honestly. "What about?" Tony asked, realizing something was obviously on her mind. "Gibbs." She said after a long pause, finally looking up to meet Tony's eyes.**

Tony's brow furrowed when he saw how scared she was. "What's wrong Zi?" he asked as he brought her into his arms. "We are breaking his rules Tony. What if he decides to split us up? I can't lose you, and I can't lose him either. He is the only real father I have ever had…" Tony looked down at her and saw that she was trying to stop herself from crying. He pulled her closer. "Gibbs wouldn't do that Ziva. Trust me he needs you just as much as you need him. We are his kids, and even though we piss him off he can't live without us, and I don't think he would really want to. I understand what you're worried about, and we don't have to tell him about us now. I'm gonna leave it up to you. I won't say anything until you're ready, but when you are let me know, and I will be there with you the whole time, no matter what."

**Ziva looked up at Tony and smiled how did he always know what to say to make her feel better? "Thank you Tony" Ziva said as she leaned up to kiss the man she loved. "You wanna go in now?" Tony asked. "We did walk 3 miles to get here after all…" he said with a wink. Ziva just laughed and opened the door. She took Tony's hand in hers, and they walked into Gibbs house. To someone who didn't know him it would have looked like no one was home. The lights were off, and the only noise was coming from the crackling fire. As they walked further into the house they could see the light coming up from the basement steps. "See" Tony said as he opened the door. "I told you he would be working on his boat!" Ziva smiled and stepped in front of him and proceeded down the stairs. **

Gibbs looked up and he saw his agents covered in snow, laughing as they came down the basement stairs. He smiled, happy for the unexpected company. Something about them was different, but Gibbs couldn't quite put his finger on it yet. He looked back down at his newest project, before either of them noticed. He would figure out what was going on between them later, but for now he would settle for just knowing why they were here. "Do you guys need something?" Gibbs asked when he realized they were both staring at him. "Um… Not exactly boss…" Tony said, obviously unsure of what to say. "We just came to wish you a Merry Christmas!" Ziva finished for a suddenly tongue-tied Tony.

Gibbs looked up, the surprise evident on his face. "Merry Christmas to you too Ziva." He said after a long pause. He looked towards Tony, wondering if there was another reason they were there. Tony often came to talk to him about things that were troubling him, and seek advice. Ziva had even come on occasion, but they had never come together. While he was touched that they would come and spend Christmas with him couldn't quite figure out why they had. "So did your plans get canceled?" he asked, looking up from his project again to see his agents still standing awkwardly with their coats on in the middle of his basement. "Nope." Tony replied, with a classic DiNozzo smile "_You_ are our plans." The fact that Tony said "our"didn't go unnoticed by Gibbs, but he wasn't quite sure what his gut was telling him yet so he let it be. "Well then if you're planning on staying why don't you come over here and make yourself useful." He said as he gestured towards the tools and sand paper spread out on his work bench.

Tony laughed and slipped his coat off. He waited until Ziva had taken hers off too and then took in from her to go put it away. As he started towards the stairs Tony felt his stomach growl. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, and it was catching up with him. He figured Ziva must be hungry by now too, and knowing Gibbs he probably hadn't eaten all day either. Tony turned back towards where Gibbs and Ziva were standing and asked "Have you eaten Boss?" "Haven't really had time DiNozzo." Gibbs replied. "What have you been doing all day?" Tony asked his curiosity and talkativeness returning. "Stuff DiNozzo. I do have a life you know?"

"Of course you do Boss!" Tony replied quickly, realizing how he had just sounded. "I just meant…. It's just you are always at work or down here and …" thankfully Ziva came to his rescue and cut him off before he could put his foot in his mouth on more time. "I am hungry too now that you mention it" she said flashing him a smile that Tony knew meant he should shut up. Tony sighed with relief and shot Ziva a thankful smile in return "Ok well normally I would order us take-out, but since its Christmas and there is over a foot of snow on the ground that isn't really an option, so I guess I'll just make something?" Gibbs looked up surprised. "You cook?" he asked. "Yup." Tony said proudly. "I helped make dinner last night." Ziva smiled "Tony is actually quite a good cook Gibbs. He knows a lot of old Italian recipes." "Thanks Zi. Well I'm gonna go up and see if I can whip something up. Are you guys going to be ok down here?" he asked shooting Ziva a worried glance, wondering if she didn't want to be alone with Gibbs and his uncanny gut with their new secret. "Of course. Thanks Tony." And with that Tony went upstairs, leaving Ziva to stare awkwardly at her feet as Gibbs went back to sanding.

**Ziva remained in the middle of the basement for a while, thinking back to when Ari stood in that same spot all those years ago. Gibbs looked up and noticed Ziva hadn't moved. He set down his sand paper and walked over to her. "You okay Ziver?" he asked as he stepped up behind her and looked down at the spot she was fixated on. "I'm… I'm fine" she replied reflexively, knowing it was a blatant lie. "Thinking of Ari?" Gibbs asked tentatively. "Yes" she replied looking up at Gibbs. "I was just thinking that … Only you and I… I mean… Tony still doesn't know. I do not know how to tell him that I killed my own brother." She said quietly. "You did it to save me."Gibbs replied simply. **

**He was a man of few words, but at this moment he had no idea what else to say. He opted for trying to comfort her silently and not push her. He knew what it was like to live with the guilt of killing someone and what it was like to lose members of your family. He also understood how hard it was to talk about it. They stood in silence for a while before Ziva finally spoke "I told him about Somalia." She said absentmindedly. Gibbs eyes widened. They had never spoken about what happened to her there. Did she know about the pictures? What did Tony know? Too much was unanswered for him to know what to say so he just stood there quietly waiting for her to continue. Luckily for him she spoke a couple minutes later. "I told him ****_everything_****." She said emphasizing the last word. "That's good."Gibbs said reassuringly. Ziva nodded. "And for the first time in my life I felt free. I did not have to keep huge part of myself secret just to keep him around, because even after he found out he didn't leave me. He is the only man in my life that has never left me, even when they found out the worst parts of me." **

Gibbs cringed. He knew she must still be hurt that he left her in Israel. They had never talked about it, and at the time he had thought it was the right thing to do, but as the months went by and she didn't return he had second guessed himself more times than he could count. He had felt betrayed just like Tony had with the whole Michael thing, only it was so much worse. He thought that their whole relationship had been built on a lie as a ploy to gain his trust. He had known Tony much longer than her, and his gut told him she needed space to figure out some things. He honestly thought leaving her in Israel was the right thing to do at the time. He couldn't just get over the fact that she had completely betrayed him and he was still a little bitter after they brought her back, but know as he looked at her tear stained face and thought back to the conversation they had right after she got back he knew that she meant what she had said. She was not just following her father's orders. Ziva loved her brother and had tried to protect him, but realized that she couldn't let him kill an innocent person so she reacted, and he owed the fact that he was still alive to her. He knew what he had to do, no matter how painful it was for him. He took a deep breath "I'm sorry I left you Ziver." Gibbs said quietly.

**Ziva's head shot up. She knew she must have misunderstood what she just heard because she would have sworn she heard Gibbs apologize. He sighed and walked over to sit on the bottom of the steps. Ziva followed him. "What about rule #6?" she asked curiously, as she sat down next to him. "There is an exception to every rule Ziva. And my kids are the exception to all of them." Ziva's mouth opened, but nothing came out so she closed it again. She secretly loved it when he called her his kid but she never knew what to say afterwards. She finally opened her mouth again, willing herself to say something, anything that would get Gibbs to look at her again. "I accept your apology."She said tentatively. "Although I do not deserve it. I should be the one apologizing. I was completely out of line the way I reacted, and I should never have asked you to choose. I knew you would pick Tony, but I did not think you would leave me there." She sighed when she saw he was still staring intently at his feet. "I was furious at first. I could not believe that my NCIS family had left me too, so I did what I thought I had to do and I tried to make amends with my father. I realized after my time in… captivity that I was wrong. He never loved me, or cared about what was best for me they way you and Tony do. I knew I could never be mad at any of you again after you were the ones to come save me." "I still shouldn't have left you" Gibbs said, finally looking up to meet her eyes. Ziva saw that they were glossy, brimming with unshed tears. "I thought I couldn't trust you anymore, that our whole relationship was built on a lie. I know now that I was wrong, and it's ****_my_**** fault you went on that mission and it's ****_my_**** fault they did all those God awful things to you." **

**Ziva's heart started to race and her eyes filled with panic. Gibbs noticed the change, and he was suddenly sure what caused it. "You know about the pictures don't you." He said sadly as he scrubbed his hands over his face and let out a sigh. "Yes." Ziva replied after a long pause. "Gibbs you trust me yes?" "Of course Ziver." He said, clearly confused. "And you care about me and would never lie to me, even if the truth is hard to talk about?" she asked fidgeting nervously with her hands as she spoke. "Always." He said, his gut telling him exactly what she was going to ask him next. "Then I need to know, did you see those pictures?" **

* * *

Even though he knew she was going to ask eventually he cringed. He remembered the day that he first saw those pictures like it was yesterday. _Ziva had been back for about a week now and Vance had Okayed her return as long as Gibbs approved it. He had given Gibbs her now bulging personal file, filled with her resent psych evaluations, and her medical records and told him to think it over. Gibbs had tucked it in his desk and forgotten about it until he was leaving that evening. He grabbed it and headed home, curious to see what was in it, and hoping it would give him what he needed to finally rehire her. He wanted her back, but he needed to know he could trust her and at the moment he still wasn't sure he could. When he got home he sat down on his couch, exhausted from the long week. He sipped his beer and flipped open the folder. The first things he saw were the psych evaluations. He flipped through them, not wanting to invade her privacy he merely skimmed them but it became apparent that she had told them just enough to get by. Not enough to really deal with her issues, but enough that she seemed convincing. He sighed and shook his head. She was so stubborn and still saw needing help as a weakness. _

_After he finished the psych evaluations he saw her updated medical records. He thought for a minute, wondering if it was right for him to read them. After a while he knew he had to. He needed to know what he had sent her into, no matter how bad it was. He read over the doctor's notes and it was pretty much what he had expected. She was extremely dehydrated, bruised, and weak. He also noticed that the doctor had noted several burn marks, and gashes that covered her body. It said that he had them stitched by a plastic surgeon, but that some would still scar. Gibbs felt the anger rising in his chest when he saw that it said she had to see a gynecologist. He didn't read her notes, he couldn't bring himself to do it, but he knew what they would say. She was the ONLY woman in a camp of 30 men; it was obvious what happened to her there. _

_Gibbs closed the folder and threw it on the table with loud thump. He leaned back and raked his hands over his eyes. His jaw tensed as he thought of everything she went through in the past four months. He opened his eyes and got up to get another beer before he headed down to get some bourbon. There was a distinct popping of his knees as he stood up. When he reached down to grab his now empty beer bottle he noticed the pictures. They were strewn all across the living room since he had slammed the file down on the table so angrily. Gibbs's brow wrinkled as he bent down to scoop some of them up. _

_Slowly he made his way back to the couch. He readjusted his glasses and began to slowly flip through the photos. The first few were of Ziva sitting in a hard wooden chair, and by the crazy look she had in her eyes he guessed they must have been taken in the very beginning. She looked beat up, like she had been in a bad fight but she still seemed mentally fine. There were twenty or so more photos like that, and he realized that as the pictures went on most of them were taken when she was asleep or unconscious. The bruises increased as he got further back in the pictures and the fire in her eyes slowly began to dwindle. It wasn't until Gibbs got to the second month's photos that felt as if he had been punched in the gut. Ziva as sitting in a different room on a metal chair and was practically naked. He felt as if he shouldn't be looking at them, but at the same time he couldn't stop, knowing there were still three more months. After flipping through a few more he realized what she was doing in that chair. They were electrocuting her. He felt his chest get tight as the anger boiled up inside him once again. _

_After going through about a month and a half's more the pictures changed again. Ziva was now lying on the dirt floor of a different room and she appeared to be chained there. What bothered him was the position she was chained in. Her knees were bent, and her arms were chained away from her sides. He flipped through the next few, and finally realized what was happening to her in that room. The fire had completely left her eyes at that point, and he felt silent, angry tears running down his cheeks as he looked at the picture in his hand. She was now naked and he could see the bruises along her thighs and along her ribs. The scars from the beatings and the electrocution were also visible. It was too much he couldn't bring himself to look at anymore. "I'm so sorry Ziver." He thought sadly to himself. "I failed you. You trusted me to protect you and I let your father do this to you. I'm so sorry."_

_He had gone down to the basement that night and drank bourbon until he couldn't see straight, and then he had sat down on the floor and let the tears silently roll down his face. Everyone thought he didn't cry, but that wasn't true. He just didn't cry in public, he preferred to suffer in silence. In the morning when he woke up he went upstairs to make some coffee. When he turned into the kitchen he stepped on the scattered photos. Sighing, he picked them up and put them in an envelope, and then walked back down the basement. He unlocked the cabinet where he kept his sniper rifle and shoved them in the case. After seeing them he knew that the least he could do was to hide them so no one else could see them._

Gibbs was brought out of his flash back when he heard Ziva calling his name. He turned towards her and saw the worried expression on her face and her furrowed brow. "I saw them." He finally said.

* * *

Meanwhile Tony was totally oblivious to the conversation going on downstairs. He was desperately trying to find something he could turn into dinner for the three of them. He smiled when he found his favorite hazelnut creamer in Gibbs's fridge, knowing it was there just for him because Gibbs hated the stuff. Opening the pantry he noticed that his boss really had no food. After digging around for a while and throwing out about ten different expired things Tony noticed some boxes of spaghetti. "Yes!" he said excitedly. "I can actually cook this!" smiling to himself he turned back to the fridge. He was looking for stuff to make tomato sauce. He had found some canned tomatoes in the pantry, and now he needed seasoning and ground meat for meatballs.

All he could find were frozen hamburgers, but he remembered what his mom used to do. She would just thaw them out and then break them apart, add bread crumbs, and the seasonings, and then roll them into meatballs. She used to say it was easier, and that it would be their little secret as long as he didn't tell anyone. He never did, and he decided that now would be the perfect time to make them again. Tony hadn't cooked any of the family recipes after his mom died, but they were permanently etched into his memory because they were memories of her. He busied himself making the sauce and thawing out the hamburgers, wondering if he should check on Ziva, but deciding to just surprise them when he was done with their dinner.

* * *

**Ziva's face turned a deep shade of crimson when she heard Gibbs's confession and she ducked her head, trying to hide her face behind her hair. "What…" she trailed off not exactly sure what she wanted to say. Finally deciding anything was better than the awkward silence that was engulfing them she spoke. "What did you think when you saw them." She said barely above a whisper. Gibbs was a bit taken aback by her question and thought for a moment before he finally turned to her and said "That I wished I could shoot the bastard in the head again, and that I could go have some words with your father." He said with a shrug. Anyone who didn't know him would have thought he was kidding, and even though Ziva knew he was being deadly serious by the look in his eyes she couldn't stop herself from laughing. "What is so funny about this?" he asked. "Nothing it is just… that is what Tony told me you would say. He said you would be happy you were the one to put a bullet in his head, because he knew he wanted to." Gibbs couldn't help but smile a little. "He is right sometimes. I just wish I could have protected you. We all do. You need to know that we will never… ****_I_**** will never let anyone hurt you again. I just want you to be happy, and to know that you are safe." He said quietly. Ziva smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown when she realized she needed to tell him something. **

**"Gibbs…" she began tentatively. "What kiddo?" he asked looking down at her as she sat up against his arm. "There is something I need to ask you." "Okay?" he said braising himself. "Well it is actually two things. The first is that I want to know if I can um… have… the pictures. There is someone else that needs to see them." Gibbs eyes got wide. "Ziva… I… I don't know if you should see them." He wasn't sure she could handle the memories that looking at them would bring up. "I need too." She said desperately. "I need to know what my father saw, and they will bring me and Tony closure. He needs to know what happened to me there before he can ever fully move on…" Ziva said quietly trailing off. "Okay" Gibbs replied, kissing the top of her head and standing up to go over to get them. "I still have one more question" Ziva said as she got up and stood a few feet away from him. "What is it?" Gibbs asked as he fished around for the key. "I need to ask your forgiveness." **

Gibbs looked up and turned around. "What the hell could I possibly need to forgive you for?" he asked in bewilderment. "I broke one of your rules." She said quietly looking at her feet. Gibbs wrinkled his forehead and looked at her questioningly. He noticed how she fidgeted nervously with her hair and was once again trying to hide her face from him. It suddenly hit him that her two questions were actually much more interconnected than she initially led on. She and Tony had finally broken rule #12 and she felt he needed to see them. He smiled to himself and then tried to put on a disapproving face. "And what rule would that be?" he asked, knowing full well where this conversation was going. "Um… well… Tony and I… we … brokerulenumbertwelve." She said quickly, needing to get it out as fast as possible.

**Gibbs tried to use every ounce of his will power to keep a straight face, but he was pretty sure he was still smiling. "Oh. Well then I don't need to forgive you for anything." "What?!" she said looking up frantically. Gibbs smiled. He couldn't remember ever seeing Ziva embarrassed like this. "You didn't break the rules, you just followed different ones, and I can't argue with that." Ziva looked at him speechless. What other rules? Was he really going to let her and Tony off the hook that easily? "What… which rules?" she asked, needing clarification. "Rule eight, rule twelve, and most importantly rule fifty-one" "What is rule 51?" she asked, positive she had never heard of it. "Sometimes you're wrong." Gibbs replied simply. "And in your case I'm wrong, and as long as it doesn't affect your work in the field I don't see anything wrong with it." He smiled and Ziva engulfed him in a tight hug. **

**"One other thing kiddo. You don't have to worry about telling Tony about Ari. He will understand." Ziva pulled away and put her head in her hands. "I don't think he will Gibbs. I… I do not know how to tell him, but I know it is not fair if I keep it a secret." "I know he will understand for the same reason I am allowing you two to be together." He replied with a shrug. "What reason?" Ziva asked, knowing it would have to be something huge in order to make Gibbs so sure about things. "He will always fight for you Ziva." He said with a smile. "There is nothing you can say or do that will change that fact." Ziva hugged him again. "I hope you are right." She said with a sigh. "I am Ziver. Did you know that the only times he has ever told me no were because of you?" Gibbs asked looking down at her with a smug smile. "Really?" Ziva asked her smile returning. "Yup" Gibbs said almost proudly. "But you have gotta remember something." "Anything!" Ziva said adamantly. "It might get hard, and you both will screw up and piss each other off, but live by those three rules. Every. Single. Day. I know what it's like to lose your soul mate, and I don't want you to ever know that feeling." He said with a sad smile as he went back to looking for the pictures. As he was bending over to unlock the cabinet he felt Ziva wrap her arms tightly around his waist. "I promise." She said, and he could almost feel her smile when she spoke again. "I love you dad." **

* * *

Tony had finally finished the sauce and the meatballs, and the pasta was almost done. He was pleased that he had actually been able to make an edible meal out of the ingredients he found. When the timer went off he drained the pasta and poured the sauce and meatballs on top of it. Digging around and found some silverware and a tray and headed towards the basement. The door was open a crack and he arrived in time to hear to the last few words of their conversation. He waited a minute, wondering if it was a bad time to bring in dinner but another loud growl from his stomach made up his mind for him. Kicking the door open with his foot he walked down the stairs carrying three steaming plates of pasta. "Dinner is served." He said as he set the tray down on the work bench.

Gibbs was digging pulling an envelope out of his sniper case and didn't look up but Ziva quickly walked over and embraced him in a tight hug. At first he froze, wondering if she realized that their boss was standing right there. "Ziva?" he asked, looking down at her smiling face that was now pressed into the crook of his neck. "Hmm?" she replied still hugging him. "Um… you know what!? Nothing! I just have something I have been wanting to do." She pulled her face back and smiled. "Me first." She said as she cupped his face and pulled him down for a sweet kiss. "Merry Christmas Tony."

As she pulled away Tony felt himself break into a wide grin. "What is so funny?" she asked in bewilderment. "That was exactly what I had been wanting to do." He said with a shrug as he turned to grab a plate. She laughed and gladly took her steaming dinner. "Got them." Gibbs said as he handed Ziva the envelope. "What's that?" Tony asked through a mouth full of spaghetti. "I will show you later." Ziva said quietly. Tony nodded and went back to eating his dinner. Gibbs took the last plate and tentatively took a bite. He trusted Tony with his life, but he really wasn't ready to lose his life because of his cooking. He was just hoping it would be edible, so he was pleasantly surprised it was so good. . "So you can cook DiNozzo." Gibbs said with a raised eyebrow. "Told you." Tony said proudly. "I even managed to make a surprise for desert."

* * *

After everyone finished their pasta and enjoyed the cookies Tony had baked for desert Ziva went upstairs to do the dishes. Tony had offered to help but she insisted on doing them alone since he had made the dinner. She took their now empty plates upstairs and left Tony and Gibbs standing awkwardly in the basement. After a long silence Tony spoke "So I guess you know now huh?" he said as he nervously raked his hands through his hair. "Uh huh." Gibbs replied trying not to smile. "You're not gonna fire us right?" Tony asked, worry etched across his face. "Course not." Gibbs replied. "Not over this anyway." At that Tony couldn't help but laugh. "I'll try not to give you any other reasons then." He said with a wink. Gibbs just chuckled, knowing full well that was going to be impossible but he had no intention of firing his Senior Field Agent. "I just can't believe you're not pissed at me." Tony said after another long silence. "Why would I be pissed DiNozzo? I meant what I said when I gave you your present. I won't be pissed unless you do something to screw it up. Remember that if you break her heart she can kill you in your sleep and I have a gun." Tony stiffened, knowing his boss was being completely serious. "I wouldn't dream of it boss." He said earnestly. "I would _never_ do anything to hurt her."

"Good."Gibbs replied. "Then we won't have any problems."And with that he went back to sanding his new project. Tony walked over and looked down at his boss's work bench. He wasn't making a boat, but he was definitely working on something. "Whatcha makin boss?" he asked fingering some of the tools on the work bench. "It's a surprise." Gibbs replied. That reminded Tony that he still hadn't given his boss his Christmas present. He ran back upstairs leaving a confused Gibbs in the basement, grabbed the present out of his coat, and ran back down stairs. "I almost forgot to give this to you!" Tony said panting slightly as he handed Gibbs a wrapped package. "You didn't need to get me anything Tony." Gibbs said, slightly uncomfortable with the gesture. "I know I didn't _have_ to, I _wanted_ to. Please just open it." he said nervously rocking on his feet. Gibbs sighed and carefully pulled the wrapping paper off his present. Inside was a box, which Gibbs carefully opened. When he pulled back the lid he almost dropped the box, he couldn't believe Tony would think to give him something like this.

* * *

**AN2: Thanks again for reading! Reviews are always appreciated! I've found that they really help whenever I get writers block! ;)**


	12. Chapter 11

**AN: Hey guys! I hope you all are having a great summer. I know this took me a while to update, but it took me a while to come up with what Tony should give Gibbs… I hope what I ended up with is good? As always reviews and suggestions are appreciated!**

* * *

Gibbs thought back to the case they had been working on a few weeks ago. He and Tony had been out trying to bring in a subject, while McGee and Ziva were still at NCIS running down other leads. Tony had gotten out of the car and knocked on the door. Their suspect had answered and Gibbs heard him say that they just needed to ask him a few questions. The suspect freaked out and grabbed Tony. Holding a gun to his back he screamed "If you move he dies!" But by then Gibbs was already moving to get out of the car, gun drawn. "I told you not to move" the suspect yelled, and with that he raised the gun to shoot Tony. Gibbs would have gladly shot the man to protect Tony, but he couldn't; he didn't have a clean shot. The suspect was using Tony as a sort of human shield. Before Gibbs had time to react he saw Tony elbow the man in the gut and spin around just as a shot rang out. The man fell to the ground with Tony on top of him.

Blood was pooling around the two men, but Gibbs didn't understand why, he had seen the shot the suspect took go flying past Tony's head and hit the side of the house. Gibbs ran over to where they were laying. "You alright Tony?" he asked. "Never better." Tony replied sarcastically. Gibbs extended his hand and helped him up. "Are you hurt?" Gibbs asked worriedly looking at Tony's blood covered suit. "It's not my blood boss." Tony said quietly. With that Gibbs walked around Tony and knelt down next to the suspect. He could now see that Tony had managed to put a knife straight into the suspect's chest.

Gibbs reached down to check for a pulse and found a faint one. "Call an ambulance DiNozzo, he isn't dead." "On it boss!" Tony replied. He dialed 911, and they were there in a matter of minutes. They were actually able to save their suspect who, once he regained consciousness a few days later, confessed to everything. That evening after everyone else had left Tony and Gibbs were still sitting at their desks putting the finishing touches on their reports. Tony finished and walked over to his boss's desk. "Finished." He said as he handed Gibbs his report. "Good. Go get some rest DiNozzo, you earned it." "Thanks boss." Tony said as he turned to leave. But something stopped him, and he walked back over to Gibbs desk. Gibbs looked up "You need something DiNozzo?" "Um… Well I… I um…" "Spit it out Tony." Gibbs said a bit impatiently. "I'm sorry about your knife." "Rule 6 DiNozzo." "Never apologize, yea I know boss but I just felt bad, since you had just handed it to me to hold while you looked for something, and then I got out of the car and I still had it in my hand and now its evidence in a case , and you won't get it back…" Tony rambled on until Gibbs cut him off. "Rule number 9" Gibbs replied with a simple shrug. And with that Tony went back over to his desk to grab his stuff and headed over to the elevators. He called over his shoulder "Thanks boss", and with that he was gone, leaving Gibbs smiling at his desk.

* * *

Still staring at the box Gibbs gingerly reached in and pulled out the pocket knife. It was very similar to his old one that he liked so much. He smiled, wondering how Tony managed to find one so close to his old one. As he turned it over in his hand he realized there was something written on the handle. Squinting to read it without his glasses he just managed to make out what it said: "For everything you taught me. Thanks, Tony." Gibbs smiled again "Thank you Tony." He said quietly, fighting back tears, and not wanting his voice to give him away.

Tony let out a sigh of relief. Gibbs had been quite for so long that he was starting to panic. What if it was too much? What if he didn't like it? Tony smiled. "I figured you could use a new one since well you know…" Gibbs smiled and reached out to squeeze Tony's shoulder. He felt him tense, probably bracing for a head slap, Gibbs thought with a chuckle. "You're right I did need a new one." He said with a smile, and removed his hand, but Tony still looked tense. "You okay Tony?" Gibbs asked confused. Tony snapped out of his flash back and nodded. "Yea I'm fine." "What were you thinking about?" Gibbs asked, giving his agent a quizzical look. "I was thinking about my dad." He said staring blankly out in front of him. Gibbs nodded, not sure if Tony was going to tell him anything else he decided to just wait and see.

A few minutes later Tony spoke again. "It's just… I was thinking about how the only thing I learned from my father was what not to do. I didn't… I mean… He tried I think but after my mom died he just wasn't the same, and nothing I did was good enough. I promised myself that I would never be like him that I would be a good honest man, but I realized recently that I didn't really know what it meant to be a real man until I met you. You have taught me more than my own father ever could, and I just wanted to thank you. I'm not sure where I would be if you hadn't hired me after Baltimore, but I'm glad I don't ever have to find out!"

Gibbs smiled and walked around so that he was standing right in front of him. "You are a great son, the best any father could ask for. I'm proud of the man you have become." He said kindly, hoping Tony would understand how much he meant to him. Tony, McGee, Abby, and Ziva really were his kids, and he didn't know what he would do without them. "Thanks Gibbs." Tony finally said. Flashing Gibbs one of his famous DiNozzo smiles he leaned in and hugged him. Gibbs was a little caught off guard, but happy at the gesture. "I guess we better get going, it's kind of a long walk home, and it's getting late." Tony said with a smile. He turned and headed for the stairs. "Merry Christmas Dad." Tony called just before he passed through the door. Gibbs smiled, and looked back down at the knife in his hands. "Merry Christmas son."

* * *

**After their long, cold walk back to Tony's Ziva was finally beginning to warm up. She had just taken a long hot shower and was now sitting in on Tony's couch wearing his old OSU sweatshirt and her favorite yoga pants. She got up and walked over to the piano and looked out the window. Everything looked so pretty and peaceful covered in snow. She smiled and turned to head back to the couch when she noticed the picture Tony had sitting on his piano. It was of her when they were in Paris. He had said it was his favorite one, and that it was the only one with someone in it, but she had never realized he actually kept it. She wandered over to where Tony had set their jackets and slowly pulled the envelope Gibbs had given her out of her pocket. She sighed, maybe he was right and she shouldn't look at them. After about ten minutes of just standing there looking at the envelope she decided to just open it. She had lived through it after all so how bad could a few pictures really be?**

She was still looking at the photos when Tony finished his shower and came out. The first thing he noticed was that she was crying. Tears ran quickly down her cheeks, and he practically ran over to her. "Ziva what's wrong?" he asked, the worry evident in his voice. "I have to show you something" she whispered back, the tears still falling rapidly down her cheeks. "Okay?" he said, clearly still confused. "You have to promise that it will not change how you look at me okay?" Ziva asked with a shaky voice. What could she possibly have to show him that she was worried would change how he looked at her? There was nothing in the world that could make him not love her. "Ziva look at me." Tony said quietly. Ziva slowly turned her head and brought her eyes up to meet his. Tony searched her face, trying to understand what her eyes were telling him; she was worried he was going to leave her.

Tony reached out, cupped her face, and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. He put everything he had into the kiss, trying to show her just what she meant to him. It took her a minute to react, but slowly she brought her hands up and laced them together at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. He could taste the salt from her tears as he kissed her, and he could feel the new ones as they rolled of her cheeks onto his. When they finally broke apart he pulled her close to him so that her head was resting on his chest. "At lo levad Ziva. Now and always. I promise that there is nothing in the whole world that will change how I see you. You have always been beautiful to me, and you always will me." He could feel her relax in his arms, and he let out a breath that he didn't know he had been holding. "So what is it Zi? Please tell me what made you so upset."

**Ziva sighed as she leaned into his chest. What had she ever done to deserve Tony? He always knew just what to say to make her feel safe and loved. She truly believed him when he told her that nothing would change his mind about her, but she was still scared. What would he think when he saw her like that? It was one thing to talk about it but it was a whole other thing to actually see it. She slowly pulled herself out from under his arms and reached down to grab the photos. She handed to them silently and watched as his brow furrowed as he flipped through the first few. "Were these…" his voice trailed off as he looked up at her with panicked eyes. "Yes." She replied quietly, whipping at the remainder of her tears. "They are the ones Saleem took when I was in Somalia."**

Tony worked his jaw and became progressively angrier as he got further into the photos. He wished he could bring Saleem back just so that he could kill him again. He didn't deserve the instant death he had gotten, it was far too painless. Tony was close to boiling over with rage, but just before he threw the stack of photo across the room they changed. She was now sitting in a different room half naked. His heart rate accelerated when he realized she was tied to the chair. After looking at a few more and realizing that they were electrocuting her he felt like his heart skipped about 10 beats. "This is what your nightmares are about isn't it?" he asked, his heart slowly breaking as he continued to look at photos of her unconscious in that chair. "Yes" she said sadly. "But they aren't the worst ones." She added barely above a whisper.

** Tony's head shot up at her words. "How long did they electrocute you Ziva?" he asked quietly. "About a month and a half." She replied, hoping he would piece together the rest and decide not to look at the next photos. She was positive that they would change how he looked at her. It wouldn't matter what his intentions were, and it wouldn't be his fault. When he saw how much they had broken her, and what they had done to her she wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to look at her, let alone be with her. **

"There are too many pictures here for this to be one a day for a month and a half…" Tony said, but his voice trailed off when he realized what the other pictures were. When the electrocution hadn't worked they had raped her, how could he forget that. He sighed and set the pictures down. "Ziva look at me please." Ziva slowly brought her eyes up to meet his face and he noticed that she was crying again. He wiped away her tears and whispered in her ear. "If you don't want me to see them I don't need to Ziva. But I promise that these photos don't change anything. I meant what I said before."

**Ziva pulled her head back and looked at him, searching his face for some sign that he was lying. Instead she saw love, and understanding. It was enough to make her want to cry all over again. She leaned up and kissed him firmly on the mouth and smiled weakly as she pulled back. "No I… want you to see them." She said quietly. "I need to know…" she started but she couldn't finish, so she just handed him the photos. **

Tony nodded and took the photos. He knew she was still worried that he would leave once he saw this part of her, and she needed to know that he wouldn't. He took a deep breath and slowly looked down at the photos. He could tell she had been moved to yet another room, and she was now chained to the floor. The position they had her in made him positively sick. He could tell even when she was fully dressed what happened to her in that room. He couldn't imagine how scared she must have been, or what Gibbs thought when he saw these. Tony guess though by how wrinkled all the photos were except these ones that Gibbs didn't make it this far. He could understand why too, he was having a hard time fighting back tears as she slowly started to lose her clothing.

His heart stopped when he saw the first one of her completely naked. All of her wounds were visible, and it was clear why she hadn't been able to walk when they left. She was covered in dirt and bruises from head to toe and had nasty gashes along her inner thighs. Tony barely registered the hot angry tears that were now streaming down his cheeks as he continued to look at the photos. When he finally got to the last one he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. It was the first photo since the beginning that she had her eyes open in and he could tell just how much they had broken her. He always said her eyes never shut up, but in that photo here eyes were blank. They held absolutely no expression, which scared him more than he would ever admit. He firmly understood now why she had said she was ready to die. He was pretty sure that he would have been too. Hell he had been ready to die and he hadn't even been tortured for 4 months! Well actually he had, but it was a very different kind of torture.

**Ziva could tell that Tony was done looking at the photos, but he didn't say anything. She sat there watching him as his tears began to fall faster and faster. Finally he looked up and met Ziva's eyes. Ziva braced herself for the inevitable let down. She told herself she was ready, she could take whatever he was going to say, even though she knew she couldn't. Tony shoved the pictures off his lap and on to the floor. Then he reached up and cupped Ziva's face again. She was still waiting for him to tell her it was over, so she was completely shocked when she felt his lips crash into hers. At first she didn't react, she didn't know how. No one had ever kissed her like this before. After a few seconds she responded with everything she had she brought her hands up and pulled his face closer to hers. They were both desperately trying to show the other how much they needed them, how much they wanted them to be okay. **

When air became a necessity they broke apart and rested their foreheads against each other. Tony wasn't sure what to say, or what to do so he reached up and nervously tucked a stray piece of Ziva's hair behind her ear. She smiled and looked up at him with her big brown eyes. Suddenly Tony knew exactly what he needed to say. "Ani ohev otach." He whispered, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.

**Ziva's breath hitched. She had been ready to hear anything, anything but this. Did Tony really just say that he loved her in Hebrew no less?! She couldn't believe it, but before she could say anything he spoke again. "I love you so much. I have since the moment we met and you asked me if I was having phone sex." Ziva laughed at the memory and looked up at Tony's smiling face. "But it wasn't until I thought I lost you that I realized it. I promised myself that day that if I ever got the chance to see you again, that I would tell you." "Tell me what Tony." Ziva asked quietly, suddenly nervous since she had seen his face fall as he started talking. "That I couldn't live without you." He said as a huge grin spread across his face.**

At that Ziva smiled. "I can't live without you either Tony." Ziva replied as she nuzzled his nose. "You are my soul mate, and you have helped me more than you will ever know. I love you so much." She said as he closed the rest of the gap and kissed him again. When they broke apart Tony was still smiling. He couldn't believe that he had finally told Ziva he loved her and that she said it back. He didn't think he could ever be this happy. "Ready for bed sweetcheeks?" he asked still unable to wipe the smile off his face as he scooped Ziva up into his arms. She let out a squeal of surprise as he carried her back to his room. Tony set her carefully down on the bed, tucked her in, and then he walked around and climbed in the other side. She leaned back so that her back was touching his chest and he snuggled his face into her neck. "The answer is yes by the way." Tony said quietly, wondering if Ziva was even still awake. "What was the question?" Ziva asked as she pulled his arm around her waist and intertwined their fingers. "You once asked me if I believe in soul mates, and I didn't. Until I met you, and now I am positive that I have found mine." He said as he kissed her forehead. "I love you." Ziva replied barely above a whisper. Tony pulled her closer and whispered back "I love you more."

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**AN 2: So what did you think?! I have a few different ideas about how to continue from here, so I would love some feedback from you guys before I make my decision!**


	13. Chapter 12

**AN: Hey guys sorry it has been sooooo long since I last updated. I was away without access to a computer and then I got the news about Cote not renewing her contract and I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue this story. What do you guys think? Would you like me to continue? I think I probably will because this story is AU anyway since its set back in season 7 and they are currently filming season 11.**

**Just let me know what you guys think, because this chapter is sort of a transitional one before we get to the next part of the story. It's going to get really intense really fast, so enjoy this nice little break ;) Any way there are two songs in this chapter, and I highly recommend you listen to them while you read this. The songs are "Shadow Days" by John Mayer and "Calling All Angels" by Train. I will indicate when to start them if you want to listen to them, but if not that's okay too :) **

**PS. I'm super bad with procedural stuff, so I'm sorry if what I wrote isn't how it works. Just pretend for me that it works ok? **

* * *

The snow had melted and the months flew by, now it was August and Tony and Ziva were walking hand and hand into a bar. A normal person would miss the weapon Ziva had holstered to her thigh under her dress, and the knives at her hips. They would miss the ear piece Tony was wearing and the gun carefully concealed at his waist, because most people didn't know they were currently under cover tracking a possible serial killer.

McGee and Gibbs were strategically placed on opposite ends of the bar so that they could see their killer if he came in. It was a long shot that he would even be there, but at the moment they had no other leads. Ziva had discovered that this was the bar where he usually picked up his victims so it was worth a shot. Abby was able to get a finger print off of one of the victims and the discovered that their suspects name was Charley Robinson and at first the case had started out like any other. They got called in because someone found a dead Marine. They examined the scene, but didn't find very much. Hours later, back at NCIS Ducky had called the team down to his lab. It was rare that he called all of them down there at once so everyone was a little on edge.

Ducky shifted nervously and started to ramble on about his childhood and some random story that only Palmer was really paying attention to before Gibbs cut him off. "The Marine Duck. What did you need to tell us? Did you find something?" "Well yes Jethro I did in fact find something. I found a connection." "You are going to need to be more specific Ducky." Tony said as they all followed Ducky over to the autopsy tables. It was then that they noticed that there were two other bodies lying out as well. "Did he kill them all?" McGee asked wide-eyed. The other bodies must have been Marines from other cases that some other team was investigating, because they didn't recognize them. "I believe so." Ducky said sadly, "But there is something else, something that all the victims have in common…" he trailed off and looked down at the body. He shifted nervously on his feet. "You gonna tell us Duck?" Gibbs asked his irritation evident.

After another long pause the team turned and looked at Palmer. "I… Well… They…" he stuttered, unable to think with Gibbs staring at him like that. "They were raped." He finally managed to get out. Tony looked at McGee and Ziva, who both were clearly confused. Why was that such a problem? They had rape victims in the past, so it couldn't be that. It also couldn't be because of Ziva, because they had already had one since she had been back, and the victims were men. Then it hit Tony. "They were gay and in the army weren't they Duck?" Tony asked tentatively. He now understood why he called everyone down to autopsy to tell them this. People couldn't be openly gay in the army, which Tony didn't really understand since he had seen firsthand that the rule caused more problems than it solved. "Ah yes. You are quite right Anthony. He targeted these men for that specific reason. I was given their files and their sexual orientation was indicated in each, and all were indeed gay. But the interesting part is that this information was not added until they were discharged from the Marines. I created a psych profile for our murder, and I think that this plays a major role in it. It is just too big of a coincidence. Is there something in his past maybe that caused him to target these men?"

At that Ziva's head shot up "He was discharged from the Marines!" she said almost excitedly. "You told me that already Ziva." Gibbs said slightly annoyed. "Yes but I did not tell you why. At first I thought they did not give a reason, so I just assumed it was the usual PTSD or something…" She stopped abruptly as she received a hard slap to the back of the head. "Never assume Ziva." Gibbs said sternly. She just nodded and continued. "As I was saying I didn't think it was important, but then I noticed some weird little numbers in the corner of the file. I looked it up and it turns out that the military uses those as a sort of code to secretly explain why people are discharged." "So do you know what his meant?" McGee asked. "No." Ziva said sadly. "The code was classified, and I was just about to ask you to hack it when we got called down here, but I am more than willing to bet that it had something to do with breaking the whole 'Don't Tell, Don't Ask' policy." "It's 'Don't ask, Don't tell' Ziva." Tony said quietly, correcting her merely out of habit.

"What were the numbers Ziver?" Gibbs asked a few minutes later. "253" Ziva said, clearly confused. "Discharged because someone outed him…" Gibbs said quietly. "Ah so you are familiar with this code Jethro?" Ducky asked. "Yea, everybody kinda knew it existed, didn't really end up being much of a code in the end, granted there were a few we never cracked but most of them we figured out." The others simply nodded in response. "What now Boss?" Tony asked. They still had no leads, and even though they knew who the guy was, and what his motive was it didn't do them any good if they couldn't find him."Oh I have a plan DiNozzo." Gibbs said with a smirk as he motioned for his agents to follow him out of autopsy. "Thanks Duck." He called back over his shoulder as the doors closed.

* * *

So that was how Tony and Ziva ended up at the bar. Ziva was going to pretend to be a bartender, which Tony was secretly thrilled about. On the other hand he was not so thrilled about his part in all of this; he was the bait. His job was to get Charley to notice him, hit on him, and have him try to take him home. That way they could catch him trying to drug/ rape Tony, and when he tried to the team would show up and arrest him. They had put a GPS tracker in Tony's watch, along with a listening device so that they could hear everything he said. The downside was that he couldn't hear them, so if he lost his ear piece there was going to be a serious problem.

Tony sat down at the bar with a dejected sigh and shrugged off his jacket. Underneath he was wearing a T-shirt that read 'Marines' across the chest. Gibbs had said it would increase his chances of being noticed by their killer, so Tony hadn't argued. He did how ever put up a fight when Abby had insisted that he wear some random rainbow pin. "I'm gonna be in a _gay _bar Abs. If he doesn't hit on me that's his problem not mine." At that he had received a head slap. "It's actually your problem DiNozzo." Gibbs said, shooting him one of his infamous glares. Tony sighed "I still don't understand why we can't just go and arrest him and interrogate him?". At that he received another headslap. "Ow!" Tony yelped, rubbing the back of his head. Gibbs looked back at him and sighed. Taking pity on him Gibbs explained to Tony the reason for his plan.

"We can't just pick him up because the only evidence we have is a partial finger print." "We have brought people in for that before boss." Tony said quietly. "What's the real reason I'm doing this?" Gibbs sighed and came to stand face to face with Tony. "Because if we catch him in action we won't need a confession." "And your worried that this guy isn't going to admit to anything aren't you boss." Gibbs just smirked and walked away, happy Tony finally got it.

* * *

By sitting at the bar he had a good view of the entire club. Tony scanned the perimeter and located their suspect. "I've got a visual boss. 5:00." Gibbs turned slowly and saw Charley sitting in the corner near the stage admiring the man singing. "Any of you sing?" Gibbs asked after a long pause. The rest of the team could almost hear the smirk in his voice as he said it. "Yes" Ziva said. "I can sing, but I do not think it would help tonight…" she trailed off and her eyes landed on Tony. Tony looked up and noticed the way she was looking at him. "Oh no Ziva, don't even think about it! I'm not doing that." "You can sing DiNozzo?" McGee asked surprised. "No, I really can't McGoo." Tony lied, desperately trying to get out of having to perform. "That's not true Tony has a beautiful voice." Ziva said smiling. Tony shot her a glare, and hissed "You're not helping!"

"Can you play guitar too DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked a few minutes later. "No…" Tony started, but Ziva cut him off. "Yes he can. He can also play piano. Why are you being so modest? You usually _love_ the attention you get when you sing." She said raising her eyebrow suggestively at him. Tony blushed and ducked his head. "That's different. I have only ever sung for you, and one other person. There is no way I can get up there in front of all these people. The last time I performed… I… It… let's just say it didn't end that well, and I would really rather not do it again!"

"Wendy."Ziva said quietly and Tony's head shot up to meet her eyes, silently begging her not to say anything else. McGee didn't know and Gibbs still didn't know the whole story. "What?" McGee asked. "Nothing! Tony said quickly. "The answer is yes I can play the guitar, but I only know how to sing 3 songs on it, and you're gonna make me sing one aren't you boss?" he asked sadly. "Yup." Gibbs replied. "Don't have any better options." "Fine." Tony gave in and leaned back against the bar, waiting for the current performer to finish. He was so engrossed in thought that he didn't notice Ziva had walked over to where he was standing and was holding a drink. She tapped him lightly on the shoulder, causing him to jump. "It's just me." She said with a smile as he turned around. "Hey sweetcheeks." He said flashing her a nervous smiled. "For good luck." She said handing him the glass of beer and squeezing his hand tightly as he reached for it. "You will be great, I promise." She said squeezing his hand again. He smiled and whispered. "God I wish I could kiss you right now." "Don't even think about it DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted into the ear piece, causing Tony to jump and Ziva to burst out laughing. "Later." She said walking away.

Tony smiled and downed his beer quickly before Gibbs could tell him he couldn't and got up. He headed towards the stage and asked if he could barrow someone's guitar. Someone brought one up to him quickly; he thanked them, and then went to sit down on the stage. He took a deep breath and looked out over the group of people until he caught Ziva's eye. She was grinning at him: her eyes brimming with pride. He took another deep breath and spoke. "Tonight I'm gonna sing something for you all." People cheered and someone whistled. Tony smiled and continued. "I have known how to play this song for a long time now, since a buddy of mine asked me to learn it for his wedding, but only recently have I really been able to relate to it. I hope you enjoy it." And with that he began to play, strumming the guitar slowly, trying to prevent his hands from shaking. When he started to sing the crowd cheered again.

* * *

***Start "Shadow Days"***

Did you know that you could be wrong

And swear you're right

Some people been known to do it all their lives

But you find yourself alone just like you found yourself before

Like I found myself in pieces on the hotel floor

Hard times have helped me see

I'm a good man with a good heart

Had a tough time, got a rough start

But I finally learned to let it go

Now I'm right here and I'm right now  
And I'm open knowing somehow

That my shadow days are over

My shadow days are over now

Well I ain't no troublemaker

And I never meant her harm

But that doesn't mean I didn't make it hard to carry on

Well it sucks to be honest

And it hurts to be real

But it's nice to make some love that I can finally feel

Hard times, let me be

I'm a good man with a good heart

Had a tough time, got a rough start

But I finally learned to let it go

Now I'm right here and I'm right now

And I'm open knowing somehow

That my shadow days are over

My shadow days are over now

"Wow" McGee breathed. "How did we not know he could sing like that?" Ziva was beaming, trying desperately to fight back the tears forming in her eyes as she listened to the lyrics of the song. "Look it is working!" Ziva said excitedly. "Sing another one when you finish DiNozzo." Gibbs ordered. "Charley has definitely noticed you."

I'm a good man with a good heart

Had a tough time, got a rough start

But I finally learned to let it go

Now I'm right here and I'm right now

And I'm open knowing somehow

That my shadow days are over

My shadow days are over now

When Tony finished everyone clapped. "Thank you." Tony said, blushing slightly. "Should I sing another one?" he asked the crowd, but looked straight at Gibbs. "Yes!" someone shouted. Tony looked down and noticed it was Charley. He gulped but continued. "Okay. Let me think for a second." Tony was trying desperately to remember a song other than the two that he knew by heart. He didn't want to perform those now, he was saving them for something, or rather someone, special. "Alright I think I got one." He finally said, remembering a song a cop friend had taught him. "This one is special to me because of my job, I hope you like it."

* * *

***Start "Calling All Angels"***

I need a sign to let me know you're here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

Where there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all angels

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I won't give up if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here

'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear

I want a reason for the way things have to be

I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all angels

When children have to play inside so they don't disappear

While private eyes solve marriage lies 'cause we don't talk for years

And football teams are kissing Queens

And losing sight of having dreams

In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all angels

And I'm calling all angels

I'm calling all angels

* * *

The crowd clapped and Tony smiled. "Thank you." Tony said as he stepped down off the stage. He handed the guitar back to the man that had lent it to him. "Thanks for letting me borrow this." He said flashing him one of his famous DiNozzo smiles. And with that he headed back to the bar. Flopping down onto a stool with a loud thud he let out a shaky breath. "I can't believe I did that…" he said quietly. Ziva smiled and walked over to him handing him another beer, which unbeknownst to Tony was nonalcoholic. "Here it's on the house." She said with a wink. "3:00" McGee said, signaling that Charley was approaching. Tony took a sip from his beer. "That sneaky girl…" he muttered to himself, realizing that it was definitely not regular beer. He sighed, it was probably best since he was working and all, but honestly he could use something to calm his nerves. He hated this stupid case!

"This seat taken?" he heard their suspect ask. "Nope." Tony replied flashing him a megawatt smile. "I'm Charley" the man said sticking out his hand to Tony. "I'm Matt." Tony replied. "You were really good." Charley said. "Thanks." Tony replied, sizing him up. _He must have drugged his victims Tony thought quietly to himself. He was about 5'10", maybe 140 pounds? He was on the skinny side, and the Marines they found were definitely bigger and stronger than he was. I was going to be a long night._ They sat there and talked for what seemed like hours. Tony was able to get Charley to open up after he told him that he had been outed and discharged from the Marines too. He was able to find out a lot about when Charley was in the Marines, and what exactly led to his discharge. He actually felt bad for the guy, when he found out that he had been caught kissing his long time boyfriend who was getting shipped off to another camp deep in Afghanistan. Since he was caught by one of his bunkmates they didn't know his boyfriend so they couldn't report him, only Charley. After being discharged he received a letter a few weeks later from his boyfriend's parents saying he had died in the line of fire. Heartbroken he had vowed to get revenge on the marines. Tony could actually understand his need for revenge after the death of a loved one… Gibbs somehow managed to sense his train of thought because he quietly said "Rule number 10 DiNozzo."

Tony shook his head, effectively breaking his current train of thought. Turning to Charley he asked."What are you planning to do?" "You'll find out soon enough."Charley said ominously as he pointed to the stage. "Oh look he is singing my favorite song!" Tony smiled and turned to look at the performer. As he turned away Charley slipped something into his drink. "DiNozzo" Gibbs said sternly. "Do. Not. Drink. Your. Drink." Tony nodded in response. "Ziva." Gibbs hissed. "Excuse me." She said to the couple she was serving. "I'll be right back." And with that she headed towards where Tony was sitting. "What should I do Gibbs?" she asked. "Switch Tony's drink out for a clean one and bring the drugged on down to McGee so that he can test it with that little kit Abby gave him. That way Tony will know how to act to appear like he was really drugged."

"Okay" Ziva replied. "I'm on it." She picked up a rag and headed down to where Tony was sitting. "Knock over Charley's beer." She whispered to Tony. Ziva watched as Tony stretched and then clumsily knocked Charley's beer all over the counter. "Ah! I'm so sorry!" Tony lied. "It is okay." Ziva said with a smile. "I'll clean it up." picking up Charley's glass in one hand she began to wipe up where it was sitting. "I'm gonna go get you a fresh one" she says, walking away with his now empty glass. She grabbed two clean glasses and filled one with real beer and one with the nonalcoholic stuff Tony was drinking. Setting them on a tray she walked back towards Tony. She quickly switched his glass out and then tapped Charley lightly on the shoulder. "Here you go." She says handing him his new beer. "Thank you." He replied with a smile. Ziva smiled back and then walked down to McGee to give him Tony's spiked beer. "Gibbs wants you to analyze it and then tell Tony how he needs to act to appear drugged."

"Got it." McGee said as he pulls out the testing kit Abby gave him earlier. Five minutes later he had the results. "Okay Tony its Rohypnol. It can be added to any liquid but the effects are intensified when combined with alcohol. The pills dissolve in liquids with no odor, color, or taste. Rohypnol takes effect quickly after ingestion - about 10 to 30 minutes. Effects of disinhibition and amnesia can last from 8-24 hours. Um… I don't know if this is important, but it says here that victims can be awake and still experience complete memory loss of the incident. Rohypnol also causes drowsiness, confusion, dizziness, lowered blood pressure, hot or cold feelings, and intestinal problems." The team watched as Tony tensed and cringed slightly. "As soon as he asks you to leave with him and you are out the building McGee and I will follow and arrest him, okay?" Gibbs asks. His gut is churning, something isn't right and he isn't willing to put Tony's life at risk to find out what it is.

Tony yawned and stretched his hands behind his head before he rested them on the bar. He let his eye lids flutter closed for a minute and wondered if Charley noticed. "You getting sleepy?" Charley asked in a devilish tone. Tony jolted up. "Uh yea I guess so! I must have had more to drink than I thought. I'm gonna head home soon I think." Tony said as he flagged down Ziva to pay their bill. "You are way too drunk to drive, why don't you let me take you home?" Charley asked good naturedly. "You don't have to. I can just call a cab…" Tony said as he started to get up. He pretended to stumble and sway, leaning into the bar for balance. "Then again maybe I should take you up on that… I don't really want to wreck my car…" Charley laughed, paid Ziva, and then walked back over to Tony. "Come on then I'm just parked around the block." And with that he led Tony out of the bar. McGee and Gibbs followed soon after but stayed a reasonable pace behind them. They needed to know where the suspect's car was to check for evidence of the other men being there so they waited until Charley stopped in front of a blue Volvo SUV. "Here it is. Why don't you get in the back and lie down and I'll drive you home?" Charley walked around to the driver's side to unlock the car.

"On my count DiNozzo." Gibbs said as he and McGee got closer to the car. "3 … 2…1… Now!" "I don't think I'm going to be going home with you tonight Charley."Tony suddenly said. "Oh really?" Charley asked. As he turned around from unlocking his car he came face to face with Tony's gun. "Really." Tony said sternly. "My real name is Special Agent DiNozzo and I'm with NCIS." "What the hell is NCIS?" Charley asked mockingly, as he took a step away from Tony. "Naval Criminal Investigative Service and I am herby placing you under arrest for the murder, drugging, and rape of three Marines, and the attempted murder, drugging, and rape of a federal agent." "Hell you are!" Charley shouted as he turned to run, down the street. He made it all but two feet before he came face to face with Gibbs gun. "Cuff him McGee." "Gladly." McGee replied as he walked over to cuff Charley.

* * *

A few hours later Charley was being led to jail by an NCIS agent after Tony had managed to get a full confession out of Charley. Tony was now in the men's room leaning against the wall with his head down and his eyes closed. This had been a hard case. He felt bad for the suspect. He understood that need for revenge, hell he'd gone on a suicide mission to get it. How was he supposed to look at Charley and tell him that what he felt was different? Tony sighed and slumped down to sit on the floor. A few minutes later someone entered the men's room and locked the door. Tony knew even before she spoke that it was Ziva. "Are you okay?" she asked, her face clouded with worry as she sat down next to him.

"I'm fine." Tony lied, knowing it was no use though, because Ziva always knew when he was lying. "You know you can tell me anything right?" Ziva asked, tilting his chin towards her so that he was forced to look her in the eye. He gave her a weak smile. "I know sweetcheeks. It's just I don't need to worry you with this. It's stupid anyway." "It is not stupid if it upsets you." Ziva said earnestly. Tony's smile fell and he looked down at the floor again. "Tonight just brought up so many memories I wished I could forget." Tony said quietly. Ziva sighed. She had a feeling this was what was bothering him. "Is it about Wendy?" she asked, not really wanting to know the answer, but knowing that if it was bothering him they needed to talk about it. "Yes and no." Tony said after a long pause. "At first it was, she did sort of ruin music for me." He said sadly. "What exactly happened Tony?" Ziva asked quietly.

**AN2: Don't forget to leave me a review, or PM me if telling me what you want me to do with this story!**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Hey guys sorry it has been so long since I updated! I've had an insanely busy summer, and I don't really have time to write right now. But I already had this part of the story written, and instead of making it longer I decided to just post it and put the next part in another chapter. Hopefully that other chapter will be up soon! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed or favorited this story so far, it means a lot!**

* * *

Tony sighed and put his head in his hands again, taking several deep breaths before he looked up at her and finally said "She was my high school music teacher, and after I graduated she asked me out. I was already head over heels for her so of course I said yes. We dated for a while and a few years later I asked her to marry me. She said yes."

**Now Ziva was confused. She had always just thought that Wendy was just a serious girl friend; she never realized he had actually asked her to marry him. "What happened after that?" Ziva asked, realizing he had stopped talking. "We planned out the whole thing and then the night before our wedding she left me. I still don't know why, and I haven't heard from her since." He said sadly closing his eyes again. This explained everything. All the one night stands, the short term relationships with girls that he would never settle down with, the fear of commitment: it was all Wendy's fault. Ziva wondered what she could possibly say to make him feel better, but then it hit her. She reached down and took Tony's hand in her own and squeezed it like she had earlier that evening. "She was very foolish Tony." Ziva said quietly. Tony looked down at her. "Oh yeah?" he asked with raised eyebrows. "You don't think it's stupid that it still bothers me? That it prevented me from ever really committing to anyone?" He asked, a tear silently rolling down his face. Ziva smiled sadly. "No." she said kindly. "I understand. You know that I also have some shale we say commitment issues?" at that Tony couldn't help but laugh. "That's true." He smiled. **

**"But she was foolish because any woman would be lucky to marry a man as wonderful as you." Tony smiled. "I love you." He said as he pulled her into a passionate kiss. As they broke away Ziva had a huge smile on her face. Tony smiled back, but Ziva could tell there was still something bothering him. "What is bothering you Tony? You said yes and no to Wendy: is there something else? Is it about the first song you sang?" Tony gave her a weak smile. "Sort of." Ziva waited but when she realized that he wasn't going to elaborate she decided to ask him. "I could tell it meant something to you." She said** **sweetly. "Would you like to tell me why you can finally relate to the song?" Tony's eyes sparkled as he turned to look at her. "Because I met you and I realized that no matter what happened in the past it doesn't matter as long as I'm with you. And I know that sounds really cheesy but it's true. I had a rough childhood. You met my father… and well I … I just finally feel like when I'm with you I'm doing something right." **

**Ziva leaned in and kissed him again. Pouring everything she had into that kiss, she tried to show Tony just how much she loved and needed him. Tony met her with the same passion and need and when they finally broke away Ziva leaned her forehead against Tony's and cupped his face in her hands. "I love you. You are the kindest, most caring man I have ever met. You have always had this incredible gift to be able to see through my emotionless Mossad façade, even when I didn't want to let you in. You taught me how to love, that vulnerability was not a weakness, and stuck around even when I did not deserve you. And there is nothing you could ever say to me that would make me not love you. I know there is something you are not telling me, and that is okay. I just want you to know that I am here when you are ready to talk." And with that she kissed him again. "Let's go home Tony".**

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Later that evening after they had both enjoyed watching a movie and eating dinner together on the couch Ziva found herself lying contently in Tony's arms as she stroked her hair. She could tell he was thinking about something because he was being far too silent. After about 10 minutes she slowly propped herself up and looked at him. Cocking her head she asked "Is something wrong Tony?" Tony seemed to snap out of whatever he was thinking of and flashed her a fake smile. "Of course not sweet cheeks." Was his reply as he propped himself up as well. But Ziva knew when he was lying and she would have none of it. "Tony I know that there is something on your mind. You are never this quiet unless something is wrong. What is it? Please tell me." He let out a shaky sigh and pulled her into a hug. "It's nothing, you will think that I am crazy." At that Ziva couldn't help but smile. "I already do, so you have nothing to lose then, yes?"

Tony laughed, but moments later the smile disappeared from his face. "What if something were to happen to one of us Ziva? I mean we don't exactly have safe jobs, and I have already lost you once, I do not think I could do it again. I…" Ziva was startled by his words, usually Tony didn't talk about worst case scenarios. She wondered what had made him decide to bring it up. "You are right Tony. We do not have safe jobs, and something could happen to us, but there is nothing we can do about that except to promise to not waste another moment that we have together." She whispered against his lips as she leaned down to kiss him. As she kissed him she felt hot tears hitting her cheeks, and was surprised to discover that they were not hers. Pulling back she cupped his face and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"She would have loved you Zi." Tony said quietly as he kissed her forehead. "Who would have loved me Tony?" Ziva asked as she pulled back to look at him. Tony froze, realizing what he had just let slip. He pulled her closer and gulped, knowing he was going to have to tell her eventually. " My mother." He whispered. Ziva looked up at him wide eyed. He never talked about his mother, and she had always assumed she was dead, but what he had just said confirmed it. "She died when I was 8 from cancer. It was slow and painful and I had to watch the person I loved most in the world die right before my eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her." By now Ziva was tearing up too, remembering her own mother's death and the pain she went through. Even so, she could not imagine how Tony must have felt watching his mother slowly get sicker and sicker. Her own mother had died in the blast of a fiery bomb. Ziva hadn't gotten to say goodbye, but she had always consoled herself with the fact that her mother's death had been instant and painless.

A few minutes later Tony finally spoke again. "I just have always felt like I let my parents down. That I let her down, and that maybe if I hadn't been such a difficult kid maybe my dad would have wanted me and he wouldn't have…" "Wouldn't have what Tony?" Ziva asked, her heart rate steadily rising as she waited for his answer. "My father beat me Ziva. It didn't start until after my mother died. After she passed all he did was out and get drunk and have sex with random women every night, or make business deals. When he wasn't doing those things he was taking out his grief on me. I ended up in the hospital twice because my injuries were so bad, but no one ever took me away. Finally when I was eleven he just shipped me off to boarding school. He couldn't even be bothered to take me, he had some random maid drive me and pick me up on the holidays." Ziva was shocked. She had met Tony's father, and while she could tell Tony didn't have the best childhood only now did she really understand why he couldn't forgive his father. It was the same reason she couldn't forgive hers; he had given up on Tony. "I'm so sorry Tony." She whispered as she kissed away his tears. He gave her a weak smile.

" It's okay. I've made peace with it. He disowned me when I was 12 and when I decided I wanted to be a PE major instead of going to business school he was so mad that we didn't' speak for 5 years. I have stopped looking for his approval. He has never once told me he was proud I became a cop, or even acknowledged that working at NCIS I save people's lives every day, while simultaneously putting mine in danger. Gibbs is more of a father to me than my dad ever was." Ziva smiled "Me too." Tony laughed "Working at NCIS I have finally found the family I never got and I love all of you just like I would my blood relatives." "I know exactly what you mean." Tony smiled a devilish grin. "But I guess it's good he isn't our father because then I couldn't do this." And with that he embraced Ziva in one of the most passionate kisses she had ever received. He cupped her face and slowly trailed his hands down her sides, before he pulled her on to his lap. As he pulled away he whispered " Ani ohev otach". Ziva smiled and kissed him again, showing him with her actions, rather than her words just how much he meant to her.

She played with the hair at the nape of his neck and he slowly began to kiss down her neck, stopping only to suck on her pulse point. Ziva moaned as he ran his hands up and down her thighs. He continued to kiss down her breasts, taking extra time to kiss all of her scars. "Tony" she breathed, barely able to speak. He looked up and grinned at her. Wrapping her arms around his neck she kissed him fiercely as she forced him to lie back on the bed. Once he was lying on his back she straddled his hips with her legs and bent down over him, her wild hair framing her face. Tony looked up at her with wide eyes."Ziva…" he said, his voice low and hoarse. "Shhh…" she whispered "It's my turn."

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**AN2: Oh I forgot to add this at the top, but I'm looking for someone to be my beta. If anyone is interested just PM me:)**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Hey guys! Thanks to everyone who reviewed my last chapter. It really brightens my day to see what you guys think of my story! I'm not really sure where this chapter came from, but here it is anyway…I have the next few planned out, so hopefully I will update again soon!**

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"Ziva!" Tony called down the hallway as he checked his watch again. "I thought we were leaving 20 minutes ago…" "I'm coming Tony I just need to find my…" but Tony didn't catch the rest of her sentence because it was cut off by a loud crash. Tony heard muffled Hebrew and even though he didn't know what she said if he used the loud crash he heard along with it he could guess that they probably weren't nice words. Tony chuckled as he set down the picnic basket he had been holding and headed towards his bedroom. Looking in he didn't see Ziva at first; his view was blocked by his open closed door. "You ok Zi? That was a pretty loud crash." Tony asked as he walked further into his bedroom. Slowly he began to realize that the bin she had knocked over had dumped stuff all over his bedroom floor. After tripping over a Christmas ornament and then getting tangled up in the garland he finally made it to his closet. "Zi…" but he stopped when he saw her sitting their motionless against the wall. "Ziva!" he all but yelled as he jumped over the remaining decorations and the box.

Ziva visibly jumped and looked up at him, but she did not say anything. "Ziva are you okay? Why didn't you answer me?!" Tony asked, desperately trying to bring his heart rate back down. Confused, he looked at the mess around him, trying to figure out what happened. He could tell from the angle that the box didn't hit her when it fell, so that was a relief. He walked over and crouched down in front of her, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What'cha got there Zee-vah?' Tony asked with a slight tilt of his head as he looked at the packages in her hands. "Our Christmas presents" she said quietly. Now Tony was really confused. It was first of September why did she already have a Christmas present for him? "Our what?" Tony questioned as she looked up at him. But by now Ziva was grinning. "It's the present I forgot to give you last Christmas, I put it away when I wrapped up the tree skirt and didn't even notice. I can't believe I forgot about it all this time…" She said looking down at the package in disbelief. "Oh…" Tony said smiling. "Well then I guess the other one is the Christmas present I was planning on giving you? I can't believe I forgot either."

**Now it was Ziva who smiled. "I guess you could say we were a little preoccupied, yes?" Tony laughed and took one of the packages from her hands as he sat down next to her. "You got that right" he said kissing her head as he leaned back against the wall, mirroring her position. "Well better late than never!" Ziva exclaimed as she handed Tony his very belated present. "Thank you Ziva." Tony said with a kind smile. "And here is yours." "Thank you, Tony" Ziva replied as she took her present. **

**Tony shook his package and then set it down again in confusion. "I can't figure out what it is!" he said dejectedly. Ziva tried not to smile. She had known he would try and shake the box so she wrapped the watch in bubble wrap so it wouldn't clank against the case it was in. "Why don't you just open it and find out then?" she said. "Where is the fun in that?" Tony replied with a wink. "Besides Zi I don't think you can top my birthday present." At that Ziva laughed. "Well I'm glad, but this is something that will… um last a little longer?" Tony grinned. "The present my not have lasted, but the effects of it sure will!" Ziva furrowed her brown and tilted her head "What effects?" she asked innocently. "Well for one thing I will never be able to look at chocolate syrup the same way again!" He said grinning. Ziva just looked at him with a look of mock innocence "I have no idea what you are talking about." She said, trying desperately not to laugh. "Oh really?" Tony said chuckling. "Well just wait until after your birthday and we will see how you feel about whipped cream…" he whispered against her lips before he kissed her.**

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**Twenty or so minutes later Ziva walked back into the closet to look for her dress that had long since been discarded, and noticed the presents again. "Damn!" she mumbled quietly. "Tony I found your shirt. Come get dressed so we can go." She said sweetly as she slipped her dress back over her head. Tony emerged, with a hair brush in one hand and her underwear in the other. "I figured you might need these" he said with a satisfied smirk. "And you will need these". Ziva said as she handed him his shirt and his present. "Oh my god. We forgot about them again!" he said chuckling as he slipped his shirt back on. Ziva smiled as slipped her underwear back on and proceeded to brush her hair. "You need to stop distracting me!" "Me?!" Tony asked, faking innocence. "Yes you!" she huffed as she playfully swatted him and headed back out into the bedroom. **

**"Well for what it's worth, I'm very sorry." Tony said with a pout as he walked out to meet her. She smiled and turned to face him. "I just might have to punish you ..." Tony gulped as she reached town towards his crotch. "Later!" she said with a smirk as she zipped up his fly and he yelped. "That's not funny Zee-vah" Tony whined. "Oh come on Tony, if you are a good boy I will give you your present…" and with that she snatched his present from his hands and ran quickly out of the bedroom. **

**Tony ran and grabbed her present off the floor of the closet and rushed to meet her by the front door. "Okay let's try this again. Merry Christmas Ziva" Tony said with a smile as he handed her his present. "And Merry Christmas to you too Tony." Ziva replied as she handed him his. "You can open yours first" Tony said quietly when he realized Ziva hadn't moved since he handed her the present. She smiled and tore away the packaging. Her breath hitched when she realized it was a jewelry box. "Tony…" "Shhhh… Just open it!" he said with a smile. She looked back down at the box in her hands and carefully opened the lid to reveal a beautiful silver bracelet. " Tony… it's… I love it." Ziva exclaimed as she broke into one of her rare full on grins. "I'm glad sweetcheeks" he replied with a kind smile. "Because I love you, and that bracelet will just serve as constant reminder "Ziva continued to smile. She still wasn't sure what she did to deserve someone as sweet and romantic as Tony. **

"Will you help me put it on?" she asked quietly. "Of course!" Tony said, setting down his own present he pulled her new bracelet out of the box. As he was slipping it on Ziva noticed something "it has seven hearts Tony." She whispered . Tony smiled, he knew she would notice. "Seven is sort of our number you know." He responded as he clipped her bracelet. "It was my moms." He said quietly as he looked down at the bracelet on her wrist. Ziva's eyes widened and she looked up in surprise. "Really?" she asked in disbelief. "Yup." Tony replied with a sad smile. "My dad gave it to her one year at Christmas, the last Christmas we ever spent as a family." "Tony… I.." "It's okay Ziva. It's a good memory actually. And I had a dream about that day, the night before the party and I remembered what he said to her when he gave it to her; he said it symbolized love and family, and suddenly I knew it was the perfect gift. It was my way of showing you that I loved you, but also that you were my family. There are seven hearts on there: one for Abby, Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Palmer, You, and Me; our family".

**Ziva was at a complete loss for words so she simply leaned in and kissed him passionately, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. She pulled back and whispered against his lips " I love it, but I love you more." And then she leaned in to kiss him again. She pulled away from the kiss still smiling. "You have to open yours now!" she said excitedly. "Okay!" Tony said, his head still spinning slightly from the lack of oxygen. He pealed back the paper and noticed it also appeared to be a jewelry box. "It's not a bracelet I promise." Ziva said with a wink. Tony laughed and opened the box, only to find bubble wrap. "You little tease!" he laughed. "You wrapped it up so I couldn't hear it!" "Face it Tony I know you too well." Tony laughed again and went back to trying to take the bubble wrap off.**

"This present better be good Ziva" Tony joked "Because it sure is a pain in the ass to unwrap!" Ziva laughed "You are almost done Tony." She said, pointing to the piece of the watch sticking out of the end. His curiosity got the best of him and Tony pulled out his knife and cut through the remaining layers. "Who knew rule 9 would come in handy for so many reasons" he said with a smile as he finally pulled the watch out of the bubble wrap. "Wow Ziva…" Tony was dumbfounded. The watch was stunning. It was gold, timeless and so him. But suddenly Tony's face fell. "What's wrong Tony?" Ziva asked, worry creeping into her voice. "You do not like it?"

"No! It's amazing Ziva, but I can't accept this. You spent way too much on this considering I didn't even have to by yours!" At this Ziva couldn't help but laugh. "What's so funny?" Tony asked, clearly confused and a little hurt. "I did not have to buy my gift either." She said with a grin. "My mother got it for my father" Tony's eyes went wide. He wasn't sure what to say. Ziva's father was not a good man, and he wasn't sure why Ziva would be giving him something of his, or why Ziva had it in the first place. Ziva sensed his discomfort and took pity on him. "She never gave it to him Tony." At that Tony let out a breath he did know he had been holding and Ziva chuckled. "I found it last Christmas, much in the same way I found it just now. I was looking for something, knocked over a box on my top shelf, and this fell out. I was about to put it back when I saw what she had carved on the back side of it…"

**"I love you" Tony said quietly. Ziva looked up in surprise. "Yes, that is correct. How do you know that?" "The love of my life speaks Hebrew, what kind of man would I be if I didn't even know how to say 'I love you' in her native tongue." Ziva laughed and proceeded to slip the watch on Tony's wrist after she removed his old one. "My father did not deserve this Tony. "She said quietly "But when I saw it I immediately thought of you, and I could not think of anyone that deserved it more." **

"Well I'm honored. Thank you Zi." Tony said as he kissed her sweetly and then slung his arm around her shoulder. "Now we really do have to go or we are going to miss it." "Miss what?" Ziva asked as she leaned into his embrace. "You will just have to wait and see." Tony said as he bent down to grab the picnic basket. "Come on and I'll show you." And with that they left his apartment and headed to a surprise Tony had been planning for weeks.


End file.
